


The Haven

by ffairyy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Fluff, Kind of a slowburn, M/M, Smut, a bit of everything, all of mx are omegas apart from hoseok and hyunwoo, incompleted, social justice talk, they're alphas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 15:44:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11084754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffairyy/pseuds/ffairyy
Summary: Changkyun is an omega living in a world built for alphas and he barely survives in it until he meets a small group of boys who are determined to make a change.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is my first proper ABO fic, because I really like the idea of it and it's interesting to write, but I don't like the whole dubious consent thing, so there's gonna be none of that.
> 
>  **TRIGGER WARNING:** discussion of power abuse and assault etc. , grieving, and a little bit of violence (not graphic)

_> Changkyun had never heard of an alpha like Hoseok, yet alone met one<_

 

ONE

 

Changkyun ran as fast as his feet let him.  
  
The trees were flying by him and became blurry around him and the wind lashed into his face while he ran deeper and deeper into the woods.  
He knew he wasn’t safe there and he remembered all the times his mother had told him to never flee into a forest, especially not by himself.  
But that wasn’t everything that was wrong about his situation. He already crossed those lines and ran deeper into the dark, not risking to look back, because that would just cost him time.  
While he was completely by himself, he was far from being himself.  
  
It had all started two days ago, with an unfamiliar warmth spreading in his lower stomach and something he firstly mistook for hunger. The last two days he had eaten double the meals he usually ate and still only felt this hunger grow and he had taken cold showers every hour, but the warmth spreading through his whole body got worse by the second.  
And the result of these two days of unknown symptoms and confusing need was this.  
The heat.  
  
He knew just so much about the heat:  
You had to get through it and there was no way around it. His mother had warned him about it.  
  
‘Fear the heat’, she used to tell him. “And don’t let the heat fool you.”  
  
And Changkyun feared the heat like he feared nothing else in this world. He had been through it once and the experience left him disgusted and bruised.  
His childhood had been over in a heartbeat and he knew there was no going back. He could be lucky that he was such a late bloomer.  
His mother told him her first heat came in the age of only thirteen and Changkyun was already twenty one.  
  
Life was quite difficult as an omega in this town.  
There just weren’t enough of them, nobody who could tell him how to stay safe and nobody who could possibly be a friend.  
There were so many alphas and even if they wouldn’t be able to smell his scent from miles away, it was impossible to avoid them in such a small town.  
But Changkyun would never leave the apartment he grew up in. It was the only thing that reminded him of his beloved mother and it was the only home he ever had.  
  
So the only choice he had was running, as far as his feet could carry him. Running from the alphas who were already chasing him, so the few others, who weren’t as hungry, wouldn’t start chasing him as well.  
  
And mostly running from his own desires which he knew weren’t really his own.  
That wanting and that hunger and lust which could never be satisfied with food. That need to be dominated and the need to bow down to an alpha who’d have all the control over him.  
He was scared shitless.  
His mother taught him to be scared. She said fear was the only thing that could keep him safe.  
Could keep him sane.  
  
  
But Changkyun’s strength had its limits and he had no idea how long he had been sprinting, the branches of trees cutting his skin open on his way and his feet bruising painfully, when he felt his speed lessen.  
There was no way he could run from them until his heat was over and he knew it.  
  
He could already smell them, coming closer and they were approaching from different sides, so Changkyun had no idea where to go. He heard himself panting and whimpering, while panic took over his chest.  
The panic was paralyzing.  
While fear usually sharpened his senses and helped him concentrating and seeing clear, panic did the opposite. Panic wrapped its hand around his throat and pressed its fingers into his flesh and the air was gone.  
He couldn't breathe.  
And his feet slowed down a little more.  
  
The trees were dark and cold and it didn’t take long for the first alpha to catch up to him and there was no use in running anymore.  
He was caught and he knew it.  
Instead he stumbled around, looking for his chasers and while he desperately tried to get a bit of air into his lungs, he could see a man with broad shoulders and muscular calves and arms getting closer, emerging from the thicket.  
  
 His dark eyes stood in great contrast to his blonde hair, which fell into his face in little oily strands and made him look even more intimidating.  
They sparked in a greenish color and everything about him looked venomous.  
His eyes were intimidating and his movements incredibly fast and precise, his body slim but compact and toned.  
He wore nothing but a grey muscle shirt, even though it was early October and in his haze Changkyun could see stains on it, something he hoped was just dirt and not for example blood.  
  
Changkyun tried his best to get his panting under control, so he could do the only thing that was left to do and something he was absolutely bad at.  
Defending himself.  
  
He growled deeply and got in position, his hands protecting his chest, his feet too weak and worn out to stand steadily. His body being tensed up in all the wrong ways, his skin coated in sweat and his cock pressing hard against his pants.  
  
Changkyun felt his muscles twitching nervously and his heartbeat sounded through his whole body, making it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything else but the devilish smirk on his enemy’s face.  
But Changkyun also felt something even more terrifying when he made the dangerous mistake to breathe in through his nose.  
 That scent.  
That breathtakingly sweet and musky scent.  
He felt his thoughts fading and it needed all of his body’s and mind’s strength to hold on to them and to not let them vanish, but the mist in his head was slowly clouding everything.  
  
“Look at you…foolish boy,” a raw voice huffed. “Did you really think you could run from an alpha...?”  
  
Changkyun growled again but his voice was weaker already, his panic was calming down, in a dangerous way. He’d rather keep the panic than this terrifying calmness that tried to get into his veins.  
It was like he was being soothed down by a snake’s venom and he slowly started to lose control over his thoughts and muscles.  
  
 He suddenly found it hard to remember why it was so important to get away from that man.  
The alpha stepped closer and Changkyun felt his mouth getting watery and the heat in his body was the only thing he could feel now.  
His hands were shaking as he stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over a log on the ground and steadying himself on a tree with one hand.  
He gasped for air and his sight was getting blurry.  
He wanted…  
No, he needed to be touched.  
  
“Oh god…” he heard himself breathe.  
  
It was like a bigger force took over him when he made one step towards the man.  
And then everything happened so fast.  
Changkyun’s shirt was violently ripped and a big, rough hand was in his hair and pressed his face against the tree trunk behind him. From far away he heard his own voice whimper and beg words he couldn’t quite understand.  
  
And then there was another voice and a third one and Changkyun sunk down on the tree, so he sat in the damp moss and there was saliva dribbling out of his mouth while he saw dark silhouettes fighting and bodies falling and standing up again and he imagined even hearing a smaller tree being knocked down in the process.

“Someone…” he brought out, his whole body drowned in painful lust, “claim me..”  
His words were drowned by growls and curses and noise.  
  
Changkyun’s skin felt like it was burning off his body and he exhaled in quick gasps, his hot breath white in the cold air, mumbling desperate words.  
But the need was stronger.  
It was what made him push himself up again and it was what made him stumble right into the fight to get back the attention he needed.  
  
And then there was another scent and the person it belonged to pressed a flat hand over Changkyun’s mouth, drowning every sound that tried to call out for attention.  
Covered his nose in the process so Changkyun wouldn’t breathe in too much of the scents in the air that were to blame for half of his troubles.  
  
But the citrus like scent of that very hand immediately calmed his heart, while the heat in his body fueled up like never before.  
He whimpered into the touch desperately, but he was dragged away from the scene and his sight was blurry while he tried to follow the person’s hasty footsteps  
With half his consciousness he looked down to his feet and he could see his black shirt hanging in shreds on his body.  
  
“Do you have this under control?” A warm voice called out.  
  
“Sure,” Another voice answered, before it got interrupted by a loud bang. “Just go!”  
  
Then Changkyun got lifted up and found himself on someone’s back, hugging the sweet scent and trying to get rid of the haziness in his brain.  
  
He got dragged into a vehicle, bigger than a car, a truck maybe, and his head hit against something hard and cold.  
Then a motor started and before he could protest or try an escape of any kind, his mind turned to black and he fell.  
  
-  
  
  
The first thing Changkyun felt was the heat. He assumed it was what woke him up.  
His body was aching, his skin hot and sweaty, but his heart was surprisingly calm.  
There was the same old tension in his briefs and now there was also wetness and some sticky fluid.  
  
When he opened his eyes he found himself lying in a bed, light blue sheets beneath him. He was only wearing his underwear and still- everything felt fiery.  
  
“Hey…” A careful voice got his attention and Changkyun sat up in alarm, his muscles tensing up.  
  
A young man sat by his bed, looking at him cautiously, trying to judge the situation.  
Changkyun could smell that he was an alpha, remembered the citrus smell from somewhere, and his eyes were warm and his brown hair looked soft.  
He wore a black T-shirt that looked incredibly tight around his muscular arms. Changkyun couldn’t judge how tall he was, but he could see on the first look that he was strong.  
  
“Where am I?” Changkyun asked quietly, his hand wandering to his head where a stinging pain got his attention.  
 It was nothing in comparison to the painful need in his body, but it seemed out of place. When he touched the hurting spot he felt a soft patch on his forehead.  
  
“You’re in safety…” the man replied, slowly and reassuring, and then he added. “Your forehead was kinda my fault, but it wasn’t on purpose…”  
The boy nodded to Changkyun’s hand on his head and looked at him apologetically.  
  
“What happened?” Changkyun heard himself ask and he didn’t sense danger, so his muscles relaxed a little bit, but he still held as much distance to the man as possible. He was an alpha after all and maybe it was his heat playing tricks on him, making him feel calm and safe. Never let your guards down in front of an alpha.  
“We didn’t…mate…did we?” Changkyun asked and his throat felt tight from fear.  
The guy quickly shook his head.  
  
“You’d know if we did.”  
  
“But you’re an alpha…” Changkyun stated dumbfounded and the man nodded.  
  
“I am…listen…can we talk about this later, I kinda need to get out of here now…” he brought out and Changkyun could hear the struggle in his words.  
  
“Sure…” he mumbled and then watched him stand up and just when the guy was about to leave the room and without knowing why, Changkyun quickly added,  
“My name is Changkyun by the way…”  
  
The man smiled at him for the first time, a warm smile that made his cheeks look a little puffy and Changkyun noticed how his eyes softened up with his smile when he stood in the doorframe for a moment.  
  
“’I’m Hoseok… Just yell if you need something.”  
  
  
Barely ten minutes after the door had closed, it got opened again and another boy stepped in, his hair a light brown, but his aura nearly as soft as Hoseok’s, his eyes bright.  
  
He introduced himself as Kihyun and Changkyun noticed with a little bit of disappointment that he was an omega, just like himself. He instantly trusted him more, but he also started to miss the presence of an alpha in the room.  
Changkyun wondered if it was incidentally that Hoseok had left his wool jacket hanging over the chair next to his bed. It was the one thing in the room that kept Changkyun’s heart from drowning in panic again and at the same time it was the one thing that made the wanting in his body worse with the second.  
  
“How do you feel?” Kihyun asked after a short while of silence.  
  
“Hot…and disgusting…everything hurts…” Changkyun mumbled, a bitter tone in his voice and Kihyun looked back at him knowingly.  
  
“And apart from the heat...?” he wanted to know.  
  
“There is nothing but the heat.” Changkyun’s voice came out in a growl and he stressed every word, while he pressed his head deeper into the pillow in desperation.  
  
 The mattress was hot, the pillows were hot and his whole body was hot. The mattress felt like burning asphalt under his back.  
He tried his best to ignore the filthy thoughts that swirled through his mind and he had to force himself not to whimper or spit out embarrassing words of need and desperation, but it was a real quest.  
He tried to lock away the pain into the back of his head but it didn’t work. The pain was everywhere.  
Kihyun looked at him with pity in his eyes.  
  
“Why did he leave?” Changkyun heard himself whine, sounding much more pathetic than he’d hoped he would.  
  
“Hoseok?” Kihyun asked. “Isn’t that obvious? He probably nearly went insane with you in here… he’s amazing at controlling it though…”  
  
“Tell him I don’t want him to control himself…” Changkyun brought out in need and before he knew what he was doing, his hand was wrapped around Kihyun’s wrist, squeezing it a little tighter than he’d planned.  
That one wasn’t scared off by the touch. He simply shook his head no.  
  
“Forget it. That’s the heat speaking…” he stated. A strict undertone that fit his stern eyes. “Mating during a heat… that’s not happening here.”  
  
Now he gently freed his hand out of Changkyun’s grip and readjusted himself on his chair.  
  
More whimpering noises came out of Changkyun’s throat, as he looked around the room to distract himself.  
There wasn’t much to see. A wooden desk opposite from his bed and a drawer next to it. Also a window with its curtains drawn shut.  
A lamp that colored the room in a dark yellow color.  
And the wool jacket on the armrest.  
  
“Can you… give me that?” Changkyun brought out, nodding to the armrest of the chair. Kihyun nodded understandingly.  
He reached out and gave the jacket to Changkyun, who couldn’t help but bury his nose into it, inhaling the citrus scent and taking it in completely. He felt calmer and more at ease, but it didn’t last long. Because the longing got bigger, too.  
  
“How do you get through heats?” he whispered into the fabric of the jacket, his stomach turning at the sweet smell of it. He could nearly taste it.  
  
“I had the luck to find a mate a while ago, so… yeah…”  
  
“So you’ve been claimed?” Changkyun asked, trying to clear his sight, but he was dizzy from the heat and the burning feeling in his stomach.  
  
“I don’t like the term ‘claimed’. My relationship was something I decided just as much as he did,” Kihyun explained with soft eyes and a charming smile, “but before that…”  
He thought about it for a moment.  
“I used to lock myself into my room and drown everything in loud music and pretty much jerked off nonstop…it helps for a while…”  
  
He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Changkyun apologetically, a tiny blush painting his cheeks. Changkyun would have been embarrassed to talk about this with a stranger, too, if his whole body wasn’t clouding all his senses.  
“Later I got my hands on suppressants, but you know how risky they are… as long as you’re on your own, it will be a rough time…” he sighed, but then his face lit up a little, “but isn’t it a little easier than usually?”  
  
Changkyun looked at him in surprise. It actually was.  
While he was suffering, he was relatively sane and he wasn’t leaking half as bad as the last time. He had only been in heat once and it had been a nightmare. Traumatizing if he was honest.  
Changkyun was sure he had a guardian angel that day, because he hadn’t been alone when it happened for the first time.  
  
His best friend had stayed over at his place for a whole week.  
Yugyeom was a beta who always took good care of him.  He’d helped him through the worst, but Changkyun had been acting crazy.  
He remembered whining and begging and asking his best friend to just claim him right over and over again and looking back it must have been so hard to watch and to withstand the offer, but Yugyeom had to settle for the only possible alternative to sex.  
He wasn’t an alpha but the hormones Changkyun had transpired affected betas, too. Just not as much.  
He’d locked Changkyun away and checked on him every hour, trying to help, but he was as helpless as him.  
  
“It’s a pill…” Kihyun explained, when Changkyun didn’t start talking, “Not as strong as suppressants, but it takes a bit of the pressure out of you… for a while…”  
  
“Then I’ll need another one…” Changkyun brought out between clenched teeth.  
But Kihyun just shook his head no again.  
  
“It’s one pill a day… Hoseok takes our health quite seriously and taking too many can get dangerous in the long-term.”  
  
“But…” Changkyun whimpered, when he thought about the stickiness between his cheeks, where he was leaking fluid, not as much as during his first heat, but enough to make him feel incredibly uncomfortable and humiliated.  
  
“No but… you’ll get through this.”  

 

  
But Changkyun felt the effect of the pill weaken and it was only two hours after Kihyun had left him to himself that he was sweating and whimpering, his fingers wrapped around his cock, barely anything leaking out of him, while he pumped himself over the edge.  
It was the third time already.  
There was nothing left to release and it was painful to touch his oversensitive tip. But Changkyun didn’t know what else to do and his short orgasms brought him relief for at least a few minutes.  
  
He curled his fingers into the mattress as he enjoyed the moments of peace after his climax.  
But Changkyun’s mind was quickly back to his clouded, dazed state of arousal and he didn’t want to think of all the profanities he had moaned while getting off.  
  
He unwillingly tucked himself away into his briefs again when he heard a knock on the door.  
  
“Can I come in?” A warm, controlled voice asked. And Changkyun’s stomach nearly turned at the sound of it.  
  
He struggled to bring out a weak “Yes.”  
  
In walked Hoseok, who had another piece of fabric in his hands and he came towards Changkyun’s bed, but stopped before he reached the edge of it this time.  
Changkyun could smell his arousal and for Hoseok it must have been the same.  
  
His eyes seemed a little darker than before and Changkyun could see him hold his breath when he saw the state Changkyun was in.  
Not only was he lying on the bed with his body covered in sweat. There were still the drying traces of cum on his stomach.  
A few tear stains on his cheeks, where his skin felt dry. He wasn’t a big crier but he could only endure so much. His day or night, or whatever time it was, had been quite a lot to take in.  
  
“Oh fuck…” Hoseok breathed out, as he tried not to stare at Changkyun’s bulge which was rock hard again.  
Then he cleared his throat and gently threw the piece of fabric in Changkyun’s direction. The smell hit Changkyun like a brick and he took what turned out to be a shirt, and his body rebelled in desire.  
  
“Shit…” he cursed. “I need more…”  
  
“No.” Hoseok stated, already turning around again. “This is all I can give you right now…”  
  
He was on his way to the door, when Changkyun jumped up from the bed and followed his steps.  
  
“Please…” His breathy voice moaned. “I need it so much…”  
  
He heard Hoseok sharply inhale between his teeth, before he went out of the door and closed it behind himself quickly.  
When Changkyun wanted to follow him out of the room, he tried to open the door in vain.  
 It was locked.

So Changkyun spent his second heat similar to his first one. Locked away.  
And in those two or three days - he didn’t even know how long he had been in there - he thought he was going crazy.  
The heat was bad enough, but it got even worse whenever the panic started to join.  
He caught himself crying and rocking back and forth and not even the shirt with Hoseok’s scent on it could calm his heart down. It felt like he was dying and the days could as well have been weeks.  
  
  
Then it was finally over.  
After five whole days of pain and desperation Changkyun could think clear again.  
 He had the control over his body and mind back and he started to feel much more human and less animalistic again.  
It was such a relief and the first thing he did was sleep a whole 8 hours without being woken up by pain or lust.  
  
When he woke up, the windows were opened and there was a tray with sandwiches and orange juice on his bedside table, waiting for him.  
He sat up in bed and ate like he hadn’t in days. While eating had been something he could’ve gladly done without the last few days and something the others had to talk him into, now it was like taking a first deep breath after being under water for minutes.  
  
The sandwich was groundbreaking.  
Maybe it was just his whole situation, maybe whoever made it had a magical hand, but he closed his eyes to enjoy every bite.  
  
The door got opened when he just stuffed the last bit of the second sandwich into his mouth and he was a little embarrassed to look at Kihyun with his cheeks full, feeling a little bit like a hamster preparing for the winter.  
  
“It’s good to see you eating,” Kihyun smiled and walked over to open the windows, pulling the curtains aside and letting in some barely there sunlight.

“This is the best sandwich I’ve ever had,” Changkyun munched with his mouth full.  
  
“Oh please,” Kihyun smiled and waved him off. “It’s nothing. I just made it really quickly..”  
  
You could see how much it fueled his ego and Changkyun would’ve laughed, but he was busy chewing and when he finally finished, he drank the whole glass of orange juice in one go.  
  
“So, Changkyun, you’re feeling better?”  
  
“A lot better.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened or do you want me to show you around first?”  
  
“I’d prefer not thinking about it right now…”  
  
“Okay, so a house tour it is.” He smiled.  
  
Kihyun stood up and Changkyun admired his enthusiasm. He had trouble getting out of bed at first, his muscles aching like he’d participated in every single Olympic discipline the past week and he groaned.  
Now that the heat was over, all the little injuries on his body took up his attention.  
There were scratches and bruises on his legs and arms, a bigger cut on the side of his stomach, where he found the wound held together by little medical strips. There was still a patch on his forehead, but it already hurt much less.  
There was a dry, disgusting feeling between his legs, stains of slick on his inner thighs and an overall sore feeling around his lower half.  
He felt the humiliation in his bones, too.  
  
He kept sitting on the edge of the bed and avoided the man’s eyes.  
Quietly said, “Uhm, Kihyun, can you show me the bathroom first?”  
  
“Oh god,” he nodded. “Of course sweetie, I’m sorry. Just follow me.”

-

 

Changkyun felt like a whole different person when he was washed up and had clothes on, a shirt and jeans Kihyun gave him.

His hair was still wet, but his skin clean and covered in a thin layer of body lotion that Kihyun had given him and he felt like he’d come back alive after a week in hell.  
It was weird to walk through the small house with Kihyun, as he didn’t really know anyone and also had no idea how he’d even come into this situation, but he didn’t want to be impolite, so he tried to smile and feign interest in whatever the guy talked about.  
  
“This is the storage room,” He explained. “Only Hoseok and Hyunwoo have keys since the others don’t understand what the words ‘emergency supply’ mean and always just go there for midnight snacks.”  
  
A young, boyish looking man with dark brown hair and deep dimples put his head through a door to peak into the hallway, looking at the two of them curiously.  
  
“Yes I’m talking about you, Jooheon.”  
  
“It was two times,” Jooheon rolled his eyes. “You’re all overreacting. And Minhyuk was the one who made me do it.”  
  
Another boy sneaked his head through the door, his hands on Jooheon’s shoulders, trying to get a look over his head.  
 “I’m innocent. I’m not responsible for everything happening in this house… What’s your name, cutie?”  
  
He looked at Changkyun expectantly and he felt his cheeks heat up. He wasn’t used to this much charm and the excessive use of nicknames, but tried not to look as overwhelmed as he felt.  
  
“I’m Changkyun,” he said. “Thanks for having me.”  
  
“I was worried about you, kid,” Minhyuk said, now walking into the hallway and joining the two of them, while Jooheon followed him lazily. “You really scared us.”  
  
“Let’s talk about it later,” Kihyun said, his voice calm and collected. Minhyuk understood and just nodded quickly.  
Changkyun felt warmth spread in his chest. This wasn’t the worst that could’ve come out of his miserable situation. By far not the worst.  
  
The house was small and shabby. Changkyun had the strong suspicion that it was actually more of a ruin that had been prepped up over years and years of hard work.  
Had the strong suspicion that this household was not registered either. There was no way it was.  
While the walls were bristle and there were worrying cracks in the old stuck- on some walls it was barely there anymore- and while there were still parts of the floor that were pure, bumpy stone, it was full of love.  
  
He didn’t dare to ask too many questions, but from what he’d seen, it had something family-like, something domestic. There were carpets in colorful patterns in the hallway and scattered pictures on the walls. None of the furniture was actually part of a set, mostly just random old things that somehow still did their job.  
Some expressive ink-drawings hung on the walls that Minhyuk proudly claimed as his own and some photos of families that couldn’t possibly all live there.  
  
They went into the living room and Changkyun stopped walking and stood in front of a small photo standing on a shelve, next to some books and a money box.  
It showed the alpha Hoseok, a younger version of himself, maybe 13 years old and a few people around him.  
 It wasn’t hard to recognize him, because he had the same warm eyes, the same soft cheeks and the same jutting ears as now.  
The photograph looked worn out, had some crinkles, as if it had been folded and carried around in a wallet or something.  
  
“Hoseok’s family,” Kihyun smiled. “They kinda started this whole thing here.”  
  
“This thing?”  
  
“You know, you’re not the first one to visit us like this… Hoseok made it his mission to look out for omegas in this area,” Kihyun explained, while they walked away from the picture and sat down on a worn out couch at an improvised coffee table that was made out of a bunch of empty mandarine boxes with a pretty yellow table cloth over it.  There was an old, bright blue tube TV that looked more like decoration than anything and Changkyun wondered if it still worked.  
  
“We drive hours and hours just looking for other omegas, all the way up to the sea sometimes. And when we find an omega in…a tricky situation…we take them home and get them through the worst. Mostly they return back home or continue their travel through, but some of us stayed.”  
  
Changkyun nodded, but he didn’t quite understand.  
“I’ve never heard of such a thing.”  
  
“Like I said. Hoseok’s family used to do this, but they got in trouble with a local pack and didn’t have enough alphas, so they had to run. They’re somewhere in Italy now, but Hoseok wanted to stay here.”  
  
“That’s because it’s my home,” a voice startled them and when Changkyun turned around, Hoseok stood right behind the couch, with crossed arms, feigning a scolding look, but smiling way too softly.  
“Someone’s gotta hold the line here.” He shrugged and turned towards Changkyun. “How do you feel?”

“A lot better. It was only my second heat, so I’m not really used to it.”  
  
“You did good,” Kihyun patted his shoulder a little.  
  
“They’re not getting easier, are they?” Changkyun asked him.  
  
“They do. A little bit,” he said. “But you’ll get stronger. We all grow with our struggles.”

“Listen to this man,” Hoseok chuckled. “He knows what’s up.”  
  
“Shut up,” Kihyun shot him a glare. “I’m doing my best here.”  
  
Changkyun watched them bickering for a moment, watched Kihyun trying to pinch Hoseok’s side and Hoseok dodging him smoothly.  
It made something disgusting stir in his stomach to watch how relaxed they were together, how carefree they seemed in a fucked up town like this and how Kihyun, an omega, could be this unafraid around Hoseok.  
Changkyun wasn’t exactly scared of the alpha, but there was something like respect and a basic mistrust in him that he just couldn’t get rid of.  
  
Changkyun hadn’t met many alphas in his life, but the ones he crossed paths with were enough to make him stay cautious. Especially after everything his mother warned him about and after everything that happened to her. There was no way he’d let his guards down.  
  
“So Changkyun, right?” Hoseok’s voice tore him back to reality and he flinched a little when he leaned over the back of the couch. “It’s completely up to you what you do next. You can stay a few days; you can go where you came from if that’s what you want. I just have two little favors to ask from you.”  
  
Changkyun couldn’t help but tense up a little. Was this it? Would he have to pay them back for their help? He didn’t even want to imagine how an alpha imagined the settling of a debt.

“First. You stay for dinner, because Kihyun is gonna cook and he might act all lovely, but he’s gonna be salty for days if you don’t.” He threw a quick glance at Kihyun and that one sighed, but shrugged his shoulders.  
  
“He’s not wrong,” he admitted.  
  
“And second. I’d like to talk to you before you leave. No pressure. I’m just curious about people’s stories.”  
  
Changkyun felt his heart beat faster. He was already nervous, but it was by far not what he expected, so he nodded quickly and thanked them for their help and hospitality.

-

He spent most of the day in his room and a little of it sitting with the others in the living room.  
It turned out that he was the youngest in the house and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. The others seemed careful and a little protective of him, even though they didn’t know him.  
Might have to do with his age, but probably also a little with the fact that he’d arrived passed out, with minor injuries all over his body and spent the last days in a state of pain and terror and unbearable heat.  
  
It also turned out that there were overall six people living in the house at the moment and that they’ve lived together for quite a while. Around two years. With other omegas coming and going, staying for however long they needed.  
It definitely explained the comfortable bickering and the domestic atmosphere around them.  
Changkyun was overwhelmed to say the least.  
  
It was around 8pm when they sat around the coffee table in the living room. There was no such thing as a dinner table, but none of them seemed to miss it.  
 Some of them had claimed the couch and the others were comfortable sat on the colorful carpet on the floor, around the table, most of them with their plates on their laps.  
  
Changkyun sat between Jooheon and Kihyun on the couch and was busy eating the vegetable soup that was surprisingly delicious and dipped in a bit of bread. He was glad he didn’t have to talk much and it was nice just listening to the others and smiling now and then.  
It wasn’t purely out of politeness, even though that was the main reason. It also was the first time in years that he ate with this many people and something in the back of his head reminded him that there actually were families like these out there.  
 That not everyone had to survive on their own on minimal resources without their parents, with only one close friend.  
 Terrified of people and the world in general. Traumatized by life itself. It made him want to cry, but instead he smiled a sad smile and tried to wash down the emotions with some more soup. It worked a little.  
  
Apart from the ones he’d already met, there were two other boys living with them. There was Hyunwoo, who Kihyun introduced to him as his partner. His physique was the definition of an alpha and if he was honest, Changkyun had the urge to run away when he first walked into the room.  
  
 Broad muscles, a good bit taller than himself and a chest so broad his shirt looked troubled to stay whole.  
He was handsome though, glowing bronze skin, dark eyes, black hair. But when he introduced himself, he was also soft spoken, awkward even, a little shy maybe and Changkyun found him to be even less intimidating than Hoseok, even though he was an alpha, too.  
  
On the floor, leaning back against the couch sat Hyungwon, who apparently had slept all day after a long night-drive to the next town. Kihyun explained that they took turns in driving out and usually spent most of the night looking for omegas in heat, omegas on the run who might need shelter or most importantly, omegas threatened by alphas in any way.  
  
It was the biggest condition they had to fulfill to live there with Hoseok. Two of them worked together every night and this last night it happened to be Hyungwon and Hyunwoo.  
  
It turned out it was Hyunwoo who was there with Hoseok the night they rescued Changkyun.  
There was a crusty wound over his right eye and a few more of them on his arms. When Changkyun noticed the bandage looking out of his shorts, right over his knees he felt guilt pooling in his stomach.  
They didn’t say so, but he was sure Hyunwoo was the one who stayed behind, fighting the alphas while Hoseok had carried him to the car.  
He made a mental note to say thank you before leaving.  
  
“So,” Kihyun said a little louder, so he had all the attention in the room. “As this is a somewhat special occasion today,” he smiled at Changkyun directly and the others nodded. “I made some dessert.”  
  
The boys all cheered and Changkyun couldn’t help but smile along with them. It wasn’t hard to grasp that they didn’t have this kind of luxury every day and neither did Changkyun, so yes, it was special.  
And Kihyun was a genius.  
When he came back with a small cake on a plate and a big knife, Changkyun tried not to drool.  
  
“Holy shit,” Hyungwon brought out. “You made a cake?”  
  
“We’ll have to go hunting soon,” Kihyun mumbled. “Or at least buy the basics, because I used quite a lot of eggs, but” and his eyes lit up, “that’s not a problem for now.”

Changkyun watched and chuckled at how they seemed to forget the rest of their manners when the cake was on the table. Jooheon and Minhyuk fought for the knife for a moment and it was scary to watch and when finally all of them had a piece of apple cake on their plate the room was filled with humming and sighing and a little satisfied moaning and lots of compliments.  
Kihyun revelled in them and well deserved so.  
The cake was a masterpiece.  
  
-

Changkyun nearly forgot how weird his whole situation was and how he really didn’t fit in surroundings like this.  
How he was used to his dark room in the tiny flat he lived in, because electricity bills were just ridiculous and he barely made enough for food and rent in the two part time jobs he worked. One in the local supermarket, one in a bookstore around the corner of his house block.  
And how he had gone to bed alone for five years, since his mother wasn’t there to look after him anymore.  
  
How Yugyeom was the only person that visited him regularly and helped him out financially whenever it got really critical, and listened to him on the phone in the middle of the night when he had another nightmare and just couldn’t stop freaking out on his own.  
  
Sometimes he stayed over, stayed with Changkyun in his little dark room, in the dirty flat that had an expiration date floating in it. He was amazed that it hadn’t fallen apart yet.  
Yugyeom was one of a kind and he did his best to pull Changkyun back to his feet whenever his body just got too heavy and weighed down by sadness and whatever else it was that raged in him so often.  
  
But the guilt was overwhelming and Yugyeom had a future.  
Maybe not a bright one, because nobody he knew in this town really did, but nevertheless a future.  
Changkyun just lived day to day and on some days he cursed death for letting him wait so long. Because he did try to survive and it was a conscious decision every single morning, but he wasn’t exactly sure why he did it or for how long he could keep it up.  
It was nothing but instincts that kept him afloat. That and the undestroyable powerful, heart-wrenching hope that maybe he’d get to see his mother again one day if he just lived on.  
That maybe she was alive.

-

Changkyun had agreed to stay one more night, because leaving in the evening was too dangerous and he was further away from the town than he’d thought.  
  
It was around 10pm when Hoseok knocked on his door. Changkyun stood at the windowsill, looking out to wastelands, weeds and grass growing rank in the backyard, no trace of life or civilization in sight and nature the only companion to that little broken house.  
He was curious and terrified of what he’d see when he’d step out of it the next day.  
  
When Hoseok came in, Changkyun’s heart was already beating hectically. Being alone with an alpha was one thing. Being alone with the alpha that had rescued him from certain doom and also cared for him in a way he hadn’t known was possible was confusing to say the least.  
  
He felt like he was in debt somehow and he was grateful down to his bones, but Hoseok made him nervous.  
 His muscles intimidating, his confidence and softness such a weird contrast that made no sense, no matter how Changkyun thought about it.  
Somehow he was the silent leader of this whole household and the idea behind it, was the person the others relied on and looked up to. The glue that held them together.  
 And on the other hand he was down to earth and even kept in the background quite a lot. Not exactly the type to be a leader.  
  
Changkyun had never heard of an alpha like Hoseok, yet alone met one.  
Now he was alone in the small room with him and Changkyun wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, waiting for him to join him at the window, but Hoseok didn’t.  
He sat down on the chair next to the bed instead. A good distance to Changkyun and a patient expression on his face.  
  
“You’re scared,” he said softly. Of course he’d smell it. “I want to say I understand, but I probably don’t.”

Changkyun turned around, looked at him apologetically, leaned with his back to the windowsill, for protection. From whatever.  
  
“There’s a few things I’d like to ask you,” he continued. “We can just talk here if you want. We can also go outside if you’d prefer that. There’s a little river behind the house... it always clears my head when I need to get out of here.”  
  
Changkyun listened to him talk and his voice was so friendly, so careful, as if a single too loud tone would startle Changkyun and make him run away. Maybe it would.

“I could use some air,” Changkyun brought out, his voice raspy and the fear prominent in his words, no matter how much he tried to control it.  
  
“We can take Kihyun with us if that helps,” Hoseok suggested on his way out, but Changkyun shook his head.  
  
“It’s alright.”  
  
His stupid pride would cost him his life one day and he imagined hearing his mother scold him.  
 If she was there she’d probably grab him by the wrist and maybe shed a tear or two.  
He could practically hear her voice, echoing in the back of his head, to never ever go with an alpha.  
She was such a hypocrite.

  
The air was cold outside and the sweater Kihyun had lent him not thick enough, his hands freezing and his teeth clattering, but Hoseok was right. It did clear his mind.  
Only when he took a deep breath and stared up at the night-sky for a moment, he really felt how long he’d been in there, mostly in the same room.  
  
“Can you see the stars like this in the town?” Hoseok smiled up to the sky as well, a scarf around his shoulders and a beanie over his ears. He didn’t look intimidating like this.  
  
“Not quite as much,” Changkyun said. Truth was he never really cared to look up in his daily routine.  Not even the stars could help him out of his situation and they actually made him quite sad, too. They were dead and he was alive, seeing them anyway. It didn’t make sense and he really could do without more mysteries in his life.  
  
They followed a small little path through the weeds and plants and Changkyun could see the little river from afar. It was right where the property ended. There was a log down by the river, maybe the boys had placed it there and Hoseok spread a wool-blanket on it so they could sit down without freezing their asses off.  
The river was frozen on the edges, but there was a small trickle of water fighting its way through it, to wherever and Changkyun watched it fascinated. The wind howled a little and he pulled his hood over his head.  
  
“First off. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t wanna,” Hoseok started, his feet playing with some pebbles, looking down. “I’m just curious about the people we take in, even if they’re just visiting. So you only just had your second heat?”  
  
“Yeah,” Changkyun mumbled. “I had the first one when I was 18.”  
  
“Quite late,” Hoseok said. “And then it didn’t come again?”  
  
Changkyun shook his head no.  
  
“And there was nobody who protected you during it, is that right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Changkyun nodded again. “My friend wasn’t in town and he’s the only one i have.”

“I’m sorry about that.”  
  
“I thought I could handle it. I was on my way back home when it kicked in... but there was this bunch of alphas on the street and I didn’t know what to do. So i ran.”  
  
“That was the smartest thing to do,” Hoseok nodded. “I don’t know if it helps, but you can be sure they won’t bother you again. Hyunwoo and his friends can be really convincing.”  
  
Changkyun tried to swallow down a little lump in his throat and nodded.

“Tell him thank you,” he mumbled. “He got hurt because of me.”  
  
“He’s had worse. And this is what he believes in, just as much as I do.”  
  
Hoseok absentmindedly picked up a few pebbles and started playing with them in his hand. His fingers were a little red from the cold.  
Changkyun watched him silently. He felt calm now.  
Hoseok had something protective and careful. He made sure to leave some space between them on the log, so their thighs didn’t touch. Made sure not to speak too loud or move too fast.  
When he threw one of the pebbles onto the bit of ice, he did it softly. Let it fly flat and hit the ice with a little dull noise, watching it bounce of the ice and into the water.  
  
“So you live alone?”

“Yes.”  
  
“And do you feel save going back to where you live?”  
  
Changkyun thought about it for a moment. He felt miserable and save really wasn’t a word he’d use to describe the way he lived, but he managed. Got through the days and called Yugyeom when things got really rough. Sometimes closed his eyes to talk to his mom, too.  
  
“I’m alright,” he decided and the lie was obvious, like there was a big sign over his head that betrayed him and spelled out the words HELP in glowing lights.  
But Hoseok nodded.  
  
“Of course it’s your decision. But I’ll say this now anyway and the offer stands. When you stop feeling save or if anything happens, you can always come to us. We don’t have much to offer, but you are welcome and we’ll figure something out.”  
  
Changkyun nodded and his eyes burned a little, his throat felt tight, there was something swelling up in his chest.  
He didn’t plan to cry in front of Hoseok, but he couldn’t help it. The tears just forced their way down his cheeks anyway.  
  
“I’ll give you my number,” Hoseok said softly. “And you can call me, even if you just need a friend. I’d appreciate it a lot if you gave me updates from time to time. I like my friends safe.”  
  
Changkyun cried silently now, had stopped fighting it and just had his head hanging low, using his sweater sleeves to wipe at the wetness around his eyes from time to time.  
  
He saw from the corner of his eyes that Hoseok took off his scarf. He said, “Here, you’re freezing,” hung it around Changkyun’s neck gently and took a deep breath. Stood up from the log and stretched his arms a little.  
“I’ll go back in, if you need anything,” he added. “Don’t stay out here for too long if you don’t wanna catch a cold.”  
  
“Okay,” Changkyun nodded. He looked up at Hoseok and saw him smiling a little. Sympathy in them and something else he couldn’t quite pin down.  
When he turned around to walk back to the house, Changkyun gathered all his courage.

“Hoseok?” he asked and he turned around, waiting patiently for what he had to say.  
“You’re an alpha... this all doesn’t make sense.”  
Maybe he sounded silly, but he genuinely didn’t understand how a place like this existed and how not only Hoseok, but also Hyunwoo put themselves at risk for it.  
For him.  
  
“I was born an alpha,” Hoseok nodded. “But I think we all have the ability to change. Not just ourselves, but the system we live in. So for me and the boys, doing what we do is the only thing that makes sense.”

Changkyun nodded, even though the words took time to get through to him. When he let Hoseok go back into the house, he stared at the river a little longer.  
  
There was warmth spreading through his freezing body, emotion bubbling up inside of him, and so many thoughts in his head, coming from all directions so fast and hectic that it nearly made him a little dizzy.  
He held onto the log for support, tried to calm his breathing and let the tears come the way they wanted now.  
 He watched the river for a while.  
How the water was flowing steadily, over little rocks and through the ice and going on bravely, on its unsure journey to something bigger.  
  
Who would’ve guessed that hope could feel like this?


	2. TWO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **trigger warning:** there's some hinted assault in here, also drugs mention

_"I wouldn’t wanna trade this shitty little place for the world"_

 

TWO

 

 

With lots of encouraging words of the boys and a mobile number scribbled onto a piece of paper, he returned back to his normal life.  
  
When he told Yugyeom about everything, it took him half an hour to calm him down and reassure him that yes, he was okay. That no, nothing bad happened and no, it wasn’t his fault for not being in town.  
  
“You’re not my guardian, Gyeom,” he sighed into the phone when he lay on his creaky bed in the darkness. Changkyun’s stomach was growling, but his fridge was empty and out of power again and it wouldn’t be bad to save up a little money for emergencies anyway.  
  
“No, but I was scared shitless when you didn’t pick up,” Yugyeom said. “For what, eight days?”  
  
“Five actually,” Changkyun corrected.  
  
“Well it felt like eight,” Yugyeom whined. “But for real, you are one lucky motherfucker. In a situation like this... normally you’d been dead meat.”  
  
“I know,” Changkyun whispered. “I can’t believe they followed me for so long.”  
  
“Well I can. Some of them really are monsters.”  
  
“Some of them aren’t apparently.” Changkyun sat up on his bed and shivered at the cold breeze that hit his skin. He really had to do something about those cracks in the window frame, it was only October now, but it would get really annoying during January and February when the nights were the coldest. You can only get so far with wool blankets and fluffy socks.  
  
“Yeah,” Yugyeom hummed through the phone. “Apparently. But be careful, okay. They could just be pretending to gain your trust, like they did with-”  
  
“My mom, I know,” Changkyun interrupted. His voice was like a harpoon and even he was a little startled at how harsh he could sound.  
  
“I’m sorry, Kyunnie, I didn’t mean to...” Yugyeom paused. “I’m just worried about you. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“You’re gonna be able to sleep tonight?”  
  
“I think so yeah. Work was so annoying today,” he groaned. “I’m exhausted.”  
  
“Okay then. Good night?”

“Yeah, goodnight, “Changkyun nodded, even though Yugyeom couldn’t see it. “And don’t sound so worried, you big softie. “

 

The days went on like they used to.  
He’d nearly lost his job in the bookstore for not showing up for five days straight and he begged his manager to give him another chance and explained what happened. Maybe the man believed him, maybe he didn’t, but the important thing was that he still had a job.  
  
So he kept working his shift in the bookstore during the week and the one in the supermarket on the weekend.  
He met up with Yugyeom sometimes to eat lunch in his break time and usually talked to him on the phone in the evenings.  
  
Hoseok sent him four messages in the first week, checking in if everything was alright and Changkyun always replied, updating him and telling him to greet the others.  
It was nice to have someone do that for him.  It was nice getting messages from someone who cared.  
  
He hadn’t had a new number in his contacts in so long. There was Yugyeom’s number and his name with a little yellow heart emoji next to it that he’d once added when he was in a cheesy mood, but he also didn’t want to delete it now, because he got so used to it.  
As long as Yugyeom didn’t find out.  
  
And there was the number of one of his aunts, the only person in his family who was somewhat plagued by guilt it seemed.  
She sent him modest pay checks once every few months and he wished he didn’t nearly cry every time he got them, because he knew she did it out of pure guilt and didn’t actually care, but he also didn’t have the luxury to be bitter about it, because he needed the money so much and wouldn’t know what he’d do without her support.  
  
He tried to understand that they didn’t feel responsible for him, because his mother had never been really close to them and he was an adult after all. But he hadn’t been an adult when he found himself all on his own with sixteen, his mother gone over night. They’d left him to his own devices and even if he tried, he wouldn’t be able to forgive them, so he didn’t contact his aunt either. He accepted the money and tried not to become too caught up in hard feelings.  
  
Sometimes it was so easy to just slip through the system and out of people’s minds. It wouldn’t surprise him if there were many other kids in this town who were forced to grow up when they were barely teenagers.  
  
Three weeks went by like that and he nearly forgot all about Hoseok and his people again.  
Until he got a message from him one evening.  
  
> If anything goes wrong with your heat, call us. Is your friend in town?<  
  
It was ridiculous, but Changkyun had somehow completely suppressed any thoughts about the heat. Of course it had to come again and unlike Hoseok he hadn’t counted the days.  
  
>I’ll be alright< he texted back. Added a quick >Thank you< and a smiley so he wouldn’t sound ungrateful.  
  
It wasn’t untypical to take time off work during heats, but it was no paid leave. Some omegas did it anyway, but Changkyun simply couldn’t afford it.  
He obviously couldn’t afford suppressants either and he’d really consider those, no matter how bad for the body they’re known to be.  
  
He settled for a bunch of scent neutralizers that Yugyeom had gotten for him. He knew they couldn’t be cheap either, but what were his options?  
 At least they were legal and not too dangerous for his body. Didn’t make the heat any better though, just made it easier to hide from alphas.  
  
  
The first wave settled in when he was at the bookstore.  
He was back in the archive when the feeling started. The heat that pooled in his stomach, the sensation of his skin heating up, his breaths becoming shorter.  
He was mostly prepared, but he was still nervous. Had clumsily inserted a plug against the slick back at home and had packed normal pain killers in his backpack.  
  
He searched for them during his break, but they honestly didn’t do anything against the lust.  
The dizziness in his brain and the hardness in his pants. The way his sight was a little blurry and the way he started sweating whenever an alpha walked into the store.  
He was terrified that they could smell him anyway.  
Scared that his saliva would betray him, because his mouth was so watery and there was a sour taste of arousal on his tongue.  
And he tried his best to ignore all the thoughts in his head.  
 The urge to just sneak back into the staff bathrooms and jerk off. Just once to get rid of this feeling and of the tension in his muscles. And also hide from his alpha co-workers.  
But he knew he couldn’t and he also knew working like this should be forbidden by law, because it was so dangerous for omegas and so hard to endure. He envied everyone who could just stay at home during that time.  
  
“Excuse me,” a friendly beta woman’s voice occupied his attention. “I’m searching for a book for my daughter... but I can’t remember the title.”  
  
Changkyun swallowed a little, but quickly found his composure and led the lady to a computer where he could look into the whole databank.

It would be a long day.  
  
-

 

He made it three days like this and thought that maybe Kihyun was right and he would grow stronger with the time.  
Would find a way to live like this.  
But on the fourth day he was out of scent blockers and just couldn’t bring himself to ask Yugyeom for more.  
He was already such a burden to his best friend and he knew Yugyeom didn’t have money growing on trees either, so he decided he’d somehow get through the last one or two days somehow.  
  
  
He made it through half of his Friday evening shift at the supermarket without any big drama. Mostly just sorted the shelves and tried to get away with taking up all the cleaning jobs that had to be done. Whenever he spotted an alpha coming close, he hid in the storage room, roaming around, acting busy. And he knew some of them could smell him through the door and the fear sat in his bones, but he managed.  
  
He couldn’t get away from taking over the counter at some point, no matter how much his co-workers tried to adjust to his pleads.  
So when he sat there and clumsily scanned the customer’s items, sweat on his forehead and tension in his muscles, an alpha man came to stand in his queue.  
And he knew he could smell him.  
  
He had a knowing little smile on his face, while he didn’t let his eyes off Changkyun for a single moment. Every time Changkyun’s eyes wandered to him, he was already staring. His blue eyes piercing, clouded, something sharp and obsessive in them, like a hunter keeping an eye on the deer he wanted to shoot.  
Clenching his teeth, too.  
  
Changkyun felt the urge to run again, in his whole body, but he forced himself to keep scanning the items of the old lady in front of him.  
  
When it was the man’s turn, Changkyun nearly passed out from his smell. The alpha made his heart slow down and his hands feel wobbly.  
He was still terrified, but there was that scent, that attracted him so much and the man knew.  
  
“Hello handsome,” he said, smiling a greasy smile at Changkyun, while he dragged the items over the scanner with shaking hands.  
  
He greeted him with a shaky voice, sounded as professional as possible.  
  
“You should do something about that smell,” the alpha growled deep in his throat, with his back to the queue behind him, just loud enough for Changkyun to hear. “It’s fucking distracting.”  
  
A cold shiver ran down Changkyun’s spine.  
He ignored the man and told him the prize of his purchase quietly.  
  
“You’re gonna get yourself killed like this,” the guy then huffed, as if Changkyun wasn’t worth the discussion anyway. “You’re putting me in a difficult situation...”  
  
“Have a good evening, sir,” Changkyun said, raising his voice just loud enough so it hid the lump in his throat and distracted from the fact that his hands were shaking.  
  
The man looked at him dismissively and there was a spark in his eyes that made Changkyun shiver.  
When he finally left through the glass door, Changkyun’s muscles relaxed a little. He breathed in.  
There was no way he’d come in for work the next day.  
He had to call in sick or something.

He was just about to leave the supermarket to take the quickest way home when he stopped abruptly and stepped away from the glass door.  
  
It was already dark outside, the wind howling as if to announce that a storm was on its way.  
Far away, on the end of the parking lot, parked one last car. A dark blue one, shimmering in the light of a lantern that stood barely five feet away.  
 He looked a little closer and he could only see the person’s broad back, looking down on their phone or something, but he knew it was the alpha from the queue. Recognized his denim jacket.  
  
Quickly, before he could draw any attention to himself, he backtracked and sneaked back into the staff’s room.  
Why was he still there? What could he possibly want other than lie in wait for Changkyun to come outside on his own?

Changkyun felt the panic swell up inside his chest. Felt his heart race and his hands and forehead sweat.  
His breathing got hollow and short.  
Maybe he was being paranoid, but that man made all of his alarms go off and there was no way he’d step outside as long as he was there.  
  
He stared at his phone for a moment, stared at Yugyeom’s number and called.  
But it only took a short moment until the familiar monotone voice told him to leave a message after the tone.  
He didn’t.

Stared at his phone a few more minutes and tried to breathe normally. Wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans.  
Then he called Hoseok.  
The phone rang five times and Changkyun started to fear he wouldn’t pick up either, when he finally did.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“It’s me...Changkyun,” he whispered, in case the manager, an alpha, could hear him through the doors. “I don’t know what to do...”

-

 

It took them 30 minutes to be there.  
Changkyun hid behind a shelve while he watched the van drive all the way up to the supermarket and he could see the alpha in his car looking over, too. He held his breath and tried not to let the panic settle inside of him.

When the van was close enough, he walked to the glass door at a smart pace and forced himself to keep his eyes glued to the van instead of the alpha in his car.  
  
It was Hyunwoo, who came out, greeted Changkyun like an old friend and ignored the other alpha entirely.  
  
When he sat in the front seat next to Hyunwoo, his heart was still racing. He couldn’t help but glance over to the alpha’s car when they started driving.  
He was already staring.  
His eyes were cold and he looked at him like a perpetrator that had to watch his prey escape right in front of his eyes.  
Changkyun’s whole body was tense and his hands shaking.  
  
“It’s him again,” Kihyun hissed. “We know the guy. He’s bad news and we’ve had to intervene two times before. He fucking hates us.”  
  
“Thanks for coming all the way,” Changkyun exhaled. He felt the tension leave his body when they drove away from his workplace just a little bit faster than the speed limit allowed.  
Hyunwoo was a calm driver and Changkyun felt safer than all day.  
Even though he was in heat, Hyunwoo didn’t even look at him twice and only concentrated on driving through dark streets with Changkyun giving him instructions now and then.  
  
“We were about to start our rounds anyway,” Kihyun explained. He sat on the backseats, leaning his body forwards between the front seats to talk to them.  
“Is the heat bad?”  
  
“It’s alright,” Changkyun lied. It was a lot easier than the last one though.  
  
“Is his smell strong?” Kihyun asked Hyunwoo.  
  
“I could smell him all across the parking lot when we drove in.”

“But he doesn’t smell as good as me, right?” Kihyun added with a sly smirk on his face. Hyunwoo seemed to know exactly how to react.  
  
“Of course not,” he smiled, before he turned into another street. “Nobody does.”  
  
Changkyun watched them in awe and felt a little warmer.  
  
Then Kihyun got all serious again, asked, “Do you have anyone to look after you?”  
  
“The problem is that I’m out of scent blockers.”  
  
“You shouldn’t be working like that,” he said. “It’s dangerous.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“I want you to be honest with me now,” Kihyun said, more strictly and Hyunwoo just nodded a little, as if he knew exactly what he was about to say.  
“Would you feel safer at home or with us in the house?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled.  
  
“I mean, we have two strong alphas... Hyunwoo wouldn’t dare to touch you, because he knows I’d kill him and Hoseok doesn’t even take out bugs without asking them if it’s okay first...”  
  
“It’s like you want me there,” Changkyun shook his head in confusion. It didn’t make sense.  
  
“We want you to be safe and you don’t seem safe... to be honest there’s something generally unsafe about you, so I’d personally just sleep better knowing we did everything we could.”  
  
Changkyun wanted to.  
 Wanted to trust the weird strangers who talked so many things that made no sense and wanted to get away from his dark room for a while, because lately he always rushed to the front door of his house block so fast in case one of the alphas from that night were around again.  
Couldn’t really sleep at night because what if his smell was strong enough for alphas on the street to track? What if they surprised him in his sleep? It’s not like crimes like these ever get investigated. It’s not like any of his neighbours would care.  
  
And he wanted to sit at the river again, preferably with Hoseok. But it was ridiculous, just like his life was so, so ridiculous, and what would Yugyeom say?  
  
“You know... I told you about the suppressants,” Kihyun said quietly. “I used to fear the heats so much. I used to take strong suppressants, used to get them on the black market. Bad stuff that fucks with your head and body. And whatever it was they put in there to make them affordable for someone like me... well it wasn’t good. But after a while you can’t go without them...”  
  
Changkyun stared at the dashboard. Then looked over to Hyunwoo. His soft face looked troubled, as if he couldn’t stand hearing Kihyun talk about it this calmly. As if it physically hurt him to listen, but he did anyway. Nodded quietly.  
  
“He found me, you know. Passed out from an overdose and god knows where I’d be now-”  
  
“You’re making it sound wrong again,” Hyunwoo interrupted him quietly, as if they’d had this discussion many times and when Changkyun looked to Kihyun the next time, his features had turned so soft. He looked at Hyunwoo with fondness dripping out of his every pore.  
“You’re making it sound like I’m the hero who saved you,” Hyunwoo said. “It was luck that we were there.  You were the one who fought for his life like that... Hoseok and I, we barely did a thing.”  
  
“Maybe,” Kihyun rolled his eyes. “But you were there and I’ll never forget that. And I want every young omega who’s struggling... to have the same support.”  
  
-

 

When the car came to a stop in front of Changkyun’s house block, he hesitated.  
  
“Have you decided anything?” Kihyun asked. It was obvious he hoped for one answer in particular, but just as obvious that he’d accept any kind of answer.  
  
“Would it really be okay if I stayed with you for a few days? Just until my heat is over.” Changkyun asked, fidgeting around with the sleeve of his sweater. His backpack jammed between his knees.

“Of course it is,” Kihyun smiled. “Do you wanna get your stuff?”  
  
Changkyun wasn’t exactly sure what stuff to get, but he nodded.  
  
“Not to be nosy, but can I come with you?” Kihyun grinned. “I can help.”  
  
“He has a thing for other people’s apartments,” Hyunwoo said. “It’s weird.”  
  
“It’s not,” he defended himself. “It’s just interesting.”

 

 

So there they were, standing in Changkyun’s tiny room. He didn’t even try to make it look more impressive than it was. There was no use in trying.

When Kihyun pressed the light switch Changkyun felt a little humiliated.  
  
“They don’t work...no power,” he mumbled while opening his backpack and looking for stuff to put in.  
  
“Never?”  
  
“Pretty much never,” Changkyun nodded. “Same with warm water.”  
  
Kihyun didn’t say anything, didn’t dare to, but Changkyun knew he was a little shocked. A lot maybe.  
It wasn’t weird for him, because he was used to it.  
  
There was a socket in the hallway if he needed power. There was the internet café around the corner if he needed it. The washroom in the basement was convenient, too.  
The only thing he really had was his phone and a cheap flat-rate to talk to Yugyeom regularly.

People are creatures of habit and you get used to cold water over time, just as you can get used to pretty much everything.  
Apart from missing his mother. He just couldn’t seem to get used to that.  
  
“Even we have a bit of electricity and our house isn’t even really... a house, you know?”  
Kihyun pressed the switch a few more times and watched in fascination how nothing happened.  
  
“That house,” Changkyun said. “Did you just...occupy it?”  
  
Kihyun chuckled.  
“Kind of. Hoseok has pictures of how it used to look. His family did an amazing job at pepping it up. And Hyunwoo used to train as an electrician,” he shrugged his shoulders. “He found a way to tap into a power pole down the road. I’m actually convinced he’s a genius.”  
  
“Isn’t that like super illegal?” Not that Changkyun was surprised.  
  
“So damn illegal,” Kihyun nodded. “But then again. I’d like to think we’re giving back a little with what we do.”  
  
Changkyun nodded. He wasn’t really one to feel bad for the people who overprized his electricity bills. Wouldn’t ever feel pity for the shitheads that were in control of the town and its surroundings.  
No offense.  
  
Changkyun couldn’t leave without packing his cheap earphones, his notebook and some pencils, because when the nights were dark and his chest heavy he liked to write down words, make up lyrics or rhymes without a real purpose other than clearing his mind. It was therapeutic and he liked to think he was okay at it, too.  
 He didn’t have many hobbies other than music and words.  
  
He also packed some clothes, a picture of his mom, and a little stuffed bunny she’d given him to his eighth birthday that he hated sleeping without.  
Then he closed the zipper.  
  
He was an adult in most aspects of his life, but he couldn’t abandon the child in him completely. Maybe, just maybe, he’d go insane without holding onto it.  
  
Kihyun was done snooping around and had quickly accepted that there just really wasn’t much to see and he stood next to Changkyun when he took a piece of paper out of a drawer and searched for a pencil. Used the flashlight of his phone to write down a quick message on the paper.  
Tried to shield the words from Kihyun’s curious eyes.  
  
He knew it was ridiculous and sad, but he couldn’t leave without doing it.  
  
>I’m with friends for a few days, so don’t worry about me. I love you.<  
  
Just in case.  
  
-

  
Changkyun looked out of the window while they drove on never-ending empty roads, away from the town. He couldn’t stop biting at the insides of his cheeks as he watched rice fields and dark trees and wastelands fly by. A nervous habit he got into just when he’d successfully stopped biting his nails.  
  
He knew now that it was around 30 minutes out of the town, but he wouldn’t have been able to tell where exactly. Wasn’t even completely sure in which direction they were driving.  
  
He’d shot Yugyeom a quick update and that one replied with a modest amount of 13 messages telling him to be careful and to text him when he gets there and also to update him every day at least once. Changkyun smiled at the yellow heart emoji next to his name for a moment and then unconsciously pressed his phone close to his chest and promised to do just that.  
The last thing he wanted was for Yugyeom to worry.  
  
“A friend of yours?” Kihyun asked, smiling. They were sat on the backseat together, making it easier for Hyunwoo to concentrate on the streets instead of Changkyun’s smell. The windows were all opened and the wind played with Changkyun’s hair when he leaned close to the door.  
  
“The only friend,” he corrected. “A beta. He helped me through my first heat.”

“I see. I’m glad there’s betas like that, too. Often they don’t want to get involved in ‘omega’s struggles’,” Kihyun used his fingers to put the words in quotation marks.  
“I’m glad there’s always some who are different.”  
  
“Like Hoseok and Hyunwoo,” Changkyun smiled and Kihyun nodded. Hyunwoo showed him a soft smile through the rear-view-mirror.  
  
Kihyun just wanted to say something else, when his phone started ringing.

“Hoseok? Hi...yeah... yes he’s with us... no he’s safe...” Kihyun smiled at Changkyun quickly before he concentrated on the phone again.  
“Yeah, no, we’re on our way back to the haven...I don’t know... yeah, Hyunwoo and I prepared to leave again and do our rounds like normally... no it’s alright... yeah, see you in ten.”  
  
He put his phone back into a side pocket of his jacket.  
  
“The haven?” Changkyun asked, confused.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Kihyun chuckled. “It’s what we call the house. Jooheon came up with it when we took him in. Because of the river you know, and because people come there for safety and come and go as they please... Kind of a safe haven.”  
  
Changkyun nodded.  
  
“It’s cheesy, but it kinda stuck with us.”

  
  
When they arrived at the haven, Kihyun and Hyunwoo only brought him inside and stopped shortly to drink something, to go to the bathroom. Then they left and drove into the night again.  
  
Hyungwon and Minhyuk played a game of cards on the carpet of the living room.  
  
“The cutie is back,” Minhyuk smiled and patted the floor next to him, inviting Changkyun to sit down.  
  
“What happened?” Hyungwon wanted to know.  
  
Changkyun awkwardly told them the whole story and looking back on it, it sounded silly, nothing to get rescued out of. But the two of them understood. Of course they did.  
  
“Fucking entitled shitheads, these alphas,” Hyungwon cursed, even though his face stayed calm and Changkyun was surprised to see him this passionate about it. But then again, they probably all were. It was a part of the path they chose. Probably a part of their own unique histories and experiences, too.  
  
“He just waited for you in the car?” Minhyuk said. “How creepy is that?”  
  
“He told me to do something about my smell, too,” Changkyun said. “But I can’t.”  
  
“He should do something about his nose,” Hyungwon huffed and Minhyuk agreed.  
  
Then Minhyuk splayed his cards out on the floor and didn’t stop the dirty grin from spreading on his whole face, making both Changkyun and Hyungwon stare at him.  
  
“You bastard,” Hyungwon said. “Since when were you winning?”  
  
“I’m always winning,” Minhyuk sing-sang. “But it helped that you didn’t take the green seven when you really needed it.”  
  
“And how exactly did you know that? Were you cheating?”  
  
“I don’t need to cheat, because I’m concentrating and not letting my social justice anger distract me.”  
  
“That’s it,” Hyungwon let his cards fall to the floor dramatically. “I’m gonna be the bigger person here and go the fuck to sleep.”  
  
 He stood up and smiled friendly at Changkyun, just to completely drop the smile off his face when he looked at Minhyuk again, glaring at him instead.  
  
“That’s not how a good loser looks,” he called after him, but Hyungwon just showed him the finger and disappeared into the hallway.  
  
Changkyun didn’t even notice he was smiling, until he was alone with Minhyuk and looked at him.  
  
“Totally cheated,” Minhyuk grinned. “And you helped by distracting him.”  
  
“You’re welcome I guess,” Changkyun said.  
  
“But for real, he’s right,” Minhyuk said while he picked up all the cards and started to shuffle them, looking like he was in thoughts. It looked impressive when he did it, his hands moved so quickly and precisely and the cards just flew like they weren’t bound to the rules of gravity and he didn’t even seem to concentrate much.  
“You shouldn’t have to fix your smell for them, when they could as well fix their noses or just learn to be decent human beings.”  
  
“I guess... but Hyunwoo said he could smell my heat from far away,” Changkyun whispered.  
  
“So what? Still makes it a crime if an alpha takes advantage of you or whatever he was up to. It’s still violence. And if Hoseok and Hyunwoo can train themselves to endure it, nobody can say it’s impossible to.”  
  
Changkyun nodded.  
It was weird to hear someone talking about it. It hurt something deep inside his being and he wasn’t sure how to interpret that pain. He’d never really seen omegas so openly angry about how things were. How the system was built and how omegas slipped through it so easily.  
His mother had always been afraid to her very core, but never this angry.  
  
Changkyun had always been so busy surviving every week that he never really thought much about it.  
  
Yes, he’d always wanted the government to take better care of omegas. Wanted laws that specifically made it inevitable for hate-crimes against omegas to go uninvestigated, just like they did with betas and alphas.  
Wanted laws that protected omegas during heat, paid their absence when they were unable to work instead of forcing them into danger.  
  
There were many things Changkyun hated from the bottom of his heart about how things were, but he never truly thought about the possibility for them to change. So instead of anger, he just felt numb most of the time. Helpless when confronted with the unfairness of it all. Terrified by how easy it was for an alpha to be an alpha and how damn close to impossible it was to survive as an omega.

  
When he lay in bed that night, in the same small room as last time, he couldn’t fall asleep.  
 It wasn’t only the heat that kept him awake.  
  
He wondered if all of the boys were as angry as the two of them.  
Wondered if they all held this energy and hope inside of them to make a difference, no matter how small. Wondered how they could live like that, facing reality and refusing to accept it at the same time.  
As far as he understood, it was mostly about the safety of omegas. About giving them a place where the only two alphas around were their biggest allies and a place to hide and rest and catch their breath.  
  
He wasn’t even sure if he liked the way Minhyuk and Hyungwon had made him think about these questions, because it was like a bright neon light had appeared right in front of his eyes after years and years of darkness and comfortable numbness.  
  
And it hurt.

-

  
He woke up three times that night, his body on fire and his muscles tensed, hard and desperate. There was slick dripping through the plug and he felt it sticking to his thighs. He had already stripped down to his boxers, but it was still too hot in the room.  
Not enough air.  
He’d learned over the last days that the heat came in waves and there was nothing but enduring it and trying to get some satisfaction without rubbing himself sore.  
  
He stumbled to the windowsill and only stopped to wipe at the slick running down his legs.  
Opened the window to let some cold winter air in and it was so liberating, but it did nothing against the fire in his belly and between his legs and the fiery thoughts that reminded him that there was not one but two alphas in the house.  
And it wasn’t fear this time.  
Not necessarily. Most of all he was afraid of himself and the state he was in, but his body didn’t warn him of those alphas. Maybe it was just the heat speaking, but he also trusted in Kihyun’s words somehow.  
And when he looked outside the window he could see the shabby piece of land and the little river minding their own business.  
  
Then he spotted Hoseok out there, in the middle of the night, on the same log they’d sat on together weeks ago. It looked like he was on his phone with someone and Changkyun was both confused and curious about it.

But he was also looking at an alpha down there and couldn’t help but wish he’d just come up to him, into his room, to help him with his need.  
It would be so easy and he knew Hoseok would be able to calm his trembling body in seconds, just with his sweet-sour scent that was so intoxicating.  
  
His brain silently begged Changkyun to go down to him and to charm him into doing it, into playing along, but he had some pride left. And he definitely had already embarrassed himself enough the first time it had happened in this very room.  
  
He closed the window after a few minutes of painful longing, ignored the little arguments in his head and decided to help himself out instead.  
To get some relief for just a little while.

-

  
Around 10am in the morning he went downstairs for breakfast, after he’d cleaned himself up in the small bathroom of the second floor and slipped into new clothes.  
Hyunwoo and Kihyun were back with them and they looked tired but satisfied. Kihyun slurped a coffee that smelled strong enough to keep all seven of them awake and Hyunwoo had trouble not dozing off while eating his cereal.  
  
“Good morning,” Kihyun smiled at Changkyun from across the living room. “Did you sleep well?”  
  
“Yeah,” Changkyun said. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“Kihyun just wants to baby someone,” Hyungwon yawned. He lay curled up on the couch, taking up half of the space and forcing the others to sit on the carpet on the floor, but nobody complained.  
  
“Is Hoseok not here?” Changkyun asked carefully. He felt a bit of heat come up in his cheeks.  
  
“He and Jooheon are out working,” Minhyuk said. “There’s a farmer not far from here who gives us fresh vegetables and fruit when we help out.”  
  
“Can I help them?” Changkyun asked, while he made himself at home on the carpet, too, leaning against the couch. He felt a little like an intruder.  
  
“Let’s talk about that when your heat is over," Kihyun said.  
  
Changkyun nodded. Didn’t want to be bratty about it, but he already got a little restless, thinking about taking up space without doing something for it.  
  
He had called in sick for work that day and he wasn’t yet sure what to do with his job at the bookstore for the next few days, or however long his heat would take.  
Hyunwoo’s smell in the room calmed him a little, made the pooling hotness in his middle a little more of a side problem and he ignored all the thoughts that included Hoseok in whatever way.  
  
Hoseok was impressive though, it wasn’t wrong to think that. He was gorgeous, too, in a way that made Changkyun excited when he just thought about him.  
  
Maybe it was because Hyunwoo’s scent already mixed so much with Kihyun’s, maybe it actually was less sharp since he’d already claimed someone, but it didn’t affect Changkyun in the way Hoseok had.  
  
Maybe it was a question of chemicals, maybe just a question of circumstance or even preference, but the heat made it hard to think of anything else than the hardworking alpha that took such good care of everyone.  
  
-

The six of them were obviously a winning team.  
No matter if they were working or playing, bickering or talking serious. It seemed like they trusted each other, knew what to expect from each other.

The day went by slowly and Changkyun was in bed from midday on when a bad wave of heat hit him, icepacks on his head and stomach, between his legs when nobody was around, and one of the pills Kihyun had given him lying on his bedside table.  
  
They weren’t as strong as suppressants, but they helped a little. He wanted to save it for the night, when it was always the worst.  
Changkyun moved from the little bathroom back to the room, after every time he’d tried to cool down with a shower and just ended up touching himself where it already started hurting again.

Minhyuk came to visit him late in the afternoon.  
He brought an old looking comic book with him and just laid it on Changkyun’s bedside table, together with a little pack of gummy bears.  
  
“Don’t tell Kihyun, but I’m keeping a little storage for special occasions,” he grinned when he sat down on the chair next to Changkyun’s bed.  
  
“How do you get through heats?” Changkyun asked. His head was clouded and the lust and aching was all he could think about.  
  
“Probably the same way you do,” he chuckled awkwardly. “Don’t you dare tell anyone about this, but in my first heat here I tried to get Hoseok to suck me off, like... literally begged him to.”  
  
“And?”  
  
“Nothing and! He rejected me of course.”  
Minhyuk’s cheeks turned a soft pink when he looked at Changkyun’s face.

“Asked him again when I wasn’t in heat though.” Minhyuk grinned and Changkyun nearly choked on his spit. He sat up in his bed a little as if he’d miss a part of the story if he kept lying down.

“And?” he said even louder.  
  
“Nope. Rejected me again,” Minhyuk made a defeated face, pressing his lips together and sighing, but then he started laughing.  
 “I’m just telling you this to say... I’m pretty sure everyone here had a crush on him at some point. It’s difficult not to.”  
  
Changkyun watched him take the pack of gummy bears and tore it open.  
Then he said “open your mouth” and when Changkyun did, Minhyuk put a red gummy bear in it.  
 Then a green one in his own.  
  
“How about now?” Changkyun asked. Maybe a bit nosy, but Minhyuk didn’t seem to mind.  
  
“What? Hoseok?” he chuckled. “No... That was a short lived desperation crush-“ Minhyuk paused for a moment. “But Hyungwon though? That’s one for the books.”  
  
“An omega?”  He nearly forgot about his heat torturing him. Minhyuk might be the world’s best entertainer slash gossiper. Changkyun felt like back in high school, talking about crushes and finding out who likes who.

“Yeah, but have you seen him?” Minhyuk grinned. “I’d prefer him over any alpha.”

“It really didn’t look like it,” Changkyun said.  
  
“Yeah well... I always end up lowkey bullying the people I like, but I’m working on it.”

They stayed quiet for a while, because Changkyun felt like he’d dug deep enough and Minhyuk was lost in thoughts only he knew, but at some point Changkyun dared to talk again.  
  
“When did you join them?”

He tried to concentrate on the sweet taste of the gummy bears and Minhyuk’s words instead of the pulsing and aching between his legs.  
  
“Kihyun and Hyunwoo were already here when I joined. About two years ago?”  Minhyuk took a yellow bear this time and looked at it in concentration, then smiled. “You wanna know what happened though, don’t you?”  
  
Changkyun nodded and reached out to more candy, too. When he looked at Minhyuk the next time, there was something sad in his eyes.  
  
“You know what? I think we don’t need to unlock my tragic back story right now,” he smiled. “All you need to know is that I think we’re quite similar. You and I, we both don’t have a family, but i definitely found something like that here. Wouldn’t wanna trade this shitty little place for the world.”

-

  
That evening Hoseok was back with them and Changkyun found it hard to concentrate on anything but him while they ate some sweet potatoes that he’d brought home and that they baked in the fireplace.  
  
Like always they sat around on the floor in the living room, some of them on soft cushions, other’s just on the carpet.  
The potatoes were delicious and he hadn’t realized how hungry he really was, the heat drowning out all his other needs. And he watched Hoseok eat. He looked tired from work, said he’d chopped fire wood for the farmer all day. His hair was pushed back and the musky, citrusy smell on his body made Changkyun want to faint.

“So who’s going out tomorrow?” Kihyun asked into the room, and then added. “Apart from Changkyun.”  
  
“I’m going,” Minhyuk said, before stuffing his face with more food. “And I nominate either Hyungwon or Hoseok to join me.”  
  
“But Hoseok was there today,” Hyungwon pointed out dumbstruck and nobody replied.  
  
“Then Hyungwonnie it is,” Minhyuk proclaimed with a bit of rest potato in his mouth and Hyungwon looked at him for a moment. Then looked at the rest of them.  
  
“Wait, what,” he huffed. “So he just decided it?”  
  
“It’s your turn anyway,” Kihyun said and shrugged his shoulders.  
And while Hyungwon complained and the others were busy ignoring him and eating their sweet potatoes, Minhyuk winked at Changkyun from across the table and Changkyun couldn’t help but smile back at him.  
  
  
That evening was the first time he saw the little blue tube TV in action.  
  It was as good as it gets out there in the country side with a device probably built in the 80s and power they didn’t pay for.  
The screen flickered a lot and sometimes it just turned itself off, but other than that it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected.  
  
Minhyuk and Hyungwon were playing cards on the floor while Changkyun was jammed onto the couch between Kihyun and Hyunwoo on one side and Jooheon on the other.  
Hoseok sat on the floor with crossed legs and played with one of the ripped holes of his jeans.  
  
They were halfway through an episode of a bad crime series when Changkyun felt his heat getting worse. Another wave.  
Hyunwoo looked over to him with a bit of pity in his eyes, an arm around Kihyun, pulling him closer, just to drown out Changkyun’s smell a little more. The two of them were extra touchy that day.  
And Hoseok got visibly more tensed, too, even though he tried not to show it.  
His fingers tapped at his knee and he changed his position every few moments, stretched his neck and arms and just couldn’t seem to sit still.  
  
Changkyun didn’t want to be the reason for their distress.

“I think I should go to bed,” he said, sitting up a little on the couch. Trying not to be awkward about it.  
  
“No, don’t,” Hoseok said, turning around. “I mean unless you really want to. But don’t do it for us. I can handle it and so can Hyunwoo.”  
  
Hyunwoo nodded, burying his face in the crown of Kihyun’s hair, humming a little and inhaling his boyfriend’s scent.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Completely,” Hoseok smiled up at him. “I wanna get better at this. It’s just... new. I’m used to the others’ scents.  Yours is just... a new little hurdle.”  
  
“Oh, so you’re saying we’re not interesting anymore or what?” Hyungwon huffed, looking up from his hand full of cards.  
While he stared at Hoseok, waiting for his comeback, Changkyun saw how Minhyuk quickly swapped two cards on the floor. He was cheating again.  
  
“You’ve never been interesting, Hyungwon,” Jooheon yawned and had trouble keeping his eyes open.  
  
“Neither have you, Jooheonie,” said Minhyuk in a dry tone and avoided looking at Hyungwon’s surprised expression. Acting like he hadn’t just defended him.  
  
“So it’s alright?” Changkyun asked, looking at Hoseok again.  
  
“Completely.”  
  
Kihyun and Hyunwoo soon excused themselves and went to bed to either sleep or finally get rid of the ridiculously tangible tension between them that had been there all evening.  
And Jooheon was the next one to say good night.  
  
Hoseok stood up and when Changkyun feared he’d leave, too, he came towards the couch instead.  
  
“Is it okay if I join you?” he smiled. “Not to sound like an old man, but my back started hurting down there.”  
  
“That’s because you always overdo it at work,” Hyungwon said, quickly followed by an “HOW THE HECK DID YOU WIN AGAIN YOU LITTLE-“  
  
“Shhh,” Hoseok hummed. “The others are sleeping.”  
  
“Well one of them for sure is,“ Minhyuk commented.  
  
Hoseok smiled and finally let himself fall into the couch and sighed a little in relief.  
  
“This thing is old as hell, but it’s still the most comfortable piece of furniture I’ve ever sat on.”  
  
Changkyun wasn’t sure what to say, so he said nothing. His brain had turned to a pile of pudding the moment he got so close. His thoughts were hazy, his arms and legs ridiculously weak and he was aching hard, but they all already knew that.  
  
“Does it help you if I’m close?”  
  
“It calms me down,” Changkyun said.  
  
Minhyuk said something under his breath that made Hyungwon laugh, but Changkyun couldn’t really concentrate on them.  
  
“Kihyun says you’re staying until it’s over. What about next month?”  
  
“I haven’t thought about it yet,” Changkyun admitted. “I’m bad at planning ahead.”  
  
“Me too,” Hoseok smiled. “Just know that this door is open for you and if you have any omega friends in need, it’s open for them, too.”  
  
“Thank you,” he said. And meant it so much. “I still don’t understand why you’re doing this.”  
  
“My family is mostly omegas and they started this to help other omegas. I’m just keeping up what they began.”  
  
Changkyun readjusted on the couch to sit more comfortable, a difficult task in his body’s condition.  
  
“Yeah, but you don’t have to,” he said. “You and Hyunwoo... the world is made for you...you could simply overpower me or any other omega.”

Changkyun had never even dreamed of saying something like that to an alpha’s face. Because more often than not it would be taken as an invitation rather than an observation.

Hoseok just looked at him from the side. There was something in his eyes that Changkyun couldn’t interpret. Something interested, as if he really thought about his words.

“That’s just not how my mother raised me I guess,” he said. “That’s not what feels right. Blaming instincts is a low move, because I know you can fight them. Alphas hide behind that lie and omegas have to suffer. That’s how my mother said it. That’s how i see it.”  
  
Changkyun didn’t know what to say. Something about Hoseok frustrated him. It threw his whole world view into chaos, because his own mother had told him many, many times, that alphas were all the same and now Hoseok sat next to him, talking about injustice and lies and whatever else and Changkyun didn’t know what to believe.  
  
He didn’t really answer Hoseok and they went back to watching the flickering TV screen. It was 20 minutes later when Minhyuk and then Hyungwon went to bed and he nearly thought they’d done it on purpose. Just so he and Hoseok were the last ones on the couch, sitting in silence, a little too tense to be comfortable and Changkyun’s heat an ever-present companion.

  
“I didn’t want to be stubborn about it,” Hoseok said out of nowhere. “I’m sorry if I sound like a preacher sometimes.”  
  
“No, it’s alright,” Changkyun’s eyes were still glued to the TV.  “It’s just new for me.”

“Is it bad right now? The heat I mean?”  
  
“It’s uncomfortable,” Changkyun said. “But your scent helps.”  
Even more than Hyunwoo’s.  
He didn’t say that.

“You know, the night we found you,” Hoseok took a deep breath. “I wanted to tear them apart, these people. If it had been me staying back there to fight them, I’m not sure if I’d been able to hold back the way Hyunwoo did. He and his friends didn’t go exactly easy on them, but... you know.”  
  
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Changkyun nodded. “Sometimes... I think of the man that took my mom, and...”  
  
There was a lump in his throat now. He hadn’t planned to talk about her. Hadn’t talked to anyone but Yugyeom about it in so long. It was terrifying.  
  
“I want him dead,” he ended.

“What do you mean he took her?” Hoseok asked carefully.  
  
“I’m not sure. He was her boyfriend for a while. He was an alpha and she’s a beta and they fought a lot. I hated him and he hated me and I told my mom to throw him out over and over again.”  
  
“But she didn’t.”  
  
Changkyun shook his head. He felt tears burning in his eyes, but they didn’t want to come out. Somehow he didn’t mind if Hoseok saw him crying. Somehow it didn’t matter.  
  
“She kept defending him...no matter what he did to us...to her...and one day I came home from school and she wasn’t there. Her stuff was on the floor, a chair fallen over and that was it.”  
  
He was crying now; silently. Trying to endure the heat, the pain, the memories and his intestines curling up into little useless balls inside of him.  
  
“They didn’t find her?” Hoseok asked quietly. There was a mixture of things in Hoseok’s voice that he couldn’t make out.  
  
“It’s not like they really tried,” he said and the words tasted bitter. “The police didn’t give a fuck about her. They stopped trying after a few months. My aunt tried pushing them and I terrorized the police station, but nothing... they told me she probably ran away.”  
  
“But that’s bullshit...”  
  
“Yeah. He took her and he’s with her right now...unless he killed her. I can’t even tell what’s worse anymore.”  
   
They were silent for a while. Changkyun’s chest quivered with little sobs and he kept wiping his nose and eyes.  
He was sweating, too, but it was barely an annoying side issue now.  
 He could feel how damp his back was and his forehead, like a fever was on its way, but it was just the heat, acting up again.  
Nothing was worse than his tight chest, his constricted throat and the overwhelming missing that seemed to be too big for his body sometimes. He was blind from anger and worried shitless, terrified to even think for a second about where his mother could be right now, but the selfish needy missing was what drowned it all out. Every time.  
Most of all he needed his mother back. It was all that mattered. Changkyun felt like he wouldn’t be able to breathe properly until he had her back in his life, in his arms, until the hole in him was filled again with everything she was.  
  
“Come here,” Hoseok whispered and when Changkyun turned his head to look at him he had one arm on the couch and the other opened in an inviting gesture.  
“I can handle it, don’t worry.”  
  
And Changkyun crawled over, let himself be pulled close into Hoseok’s arms and felt his whole body calm down immediately, like a painkiller that finally kicked in. The pain in his muscles got less and he couldn’t concentrate on the hotness in his body anymore either.  
The scent of an alpha couldn’t cure his loss, though. Maybe nothing could.  
It was the hug of another human being that helped a tiny little bit. Yes an alpha, but that didn’t make a difference in that moment.

He buried his face in the nape of Hoseok’s shoulders and inhaled a little, getting his soothing scent into his lungs, into his nose, all over him. Feeling his warmth against himself, curling up on his side and letting Hoseok wrap his arms around him, strong and protective, shielding him from the whole world.  
  
And if he struggled a lot, he didn’t let it show. Changkyun could feel Hoseok’s pulse racing where his face touched his neck and he was definitely breathing unsteadily and a little tense, but otherwise he seemed calm. Didn’t make any attempts to push Changkyun away again or backtrack in his plans to hold him.  
  
“I’m here,” he whispered and his hand gently stroked over Changkyun’s head in a way no person had in so long. It had been five years since his mom held him.  
 Only Yugyeom did sometimes, but always too short, always too careful. And Hoseok’s gentle arms could easily crush Changkyun but it was just the right amount of close and tight and overwhelming that he needed.  
“I’m here,” Hoseok whispered again with a voice that was only meant for Changkyun. “I’m here.”  
  
Over and over again.  
 Until Changkyun could finally breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk is so much fun to write u have no idea, he's such an idiot, but such a babe, too :')  
> Hope you liked the chapter, I worked hard on it!


	3. THREE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yoooo it's getting slightly angsty in here, but also a little plotty I guess :))

_> it looked like the painting was complete with just the six of them<_

 

THREE

 

The phone rang three times before his manager picked up.  
  
It hadn’t been a big deal when he called in sick for his job in the supermarket.  
But Monday was a weekday and the bookstore wasn’t that flexible or patient with him. He already had done a horrible job at talking to the customers and working at the checkout while he was in heat and then there were the five days he stayed away without notice.  
  
Changkyun wasn’t surprised when his manager told him he shouldn’t inconvenience himself to come back to work at all, but he was still devastated.  
He couldn’t get fired like this. He couldn’t. Needed the job and the money it gave him, so he’d be able to pay rent.  
  
“I’m begging you,” he said, clutching onto the phone. “Let’s just forget what I asked and I’ll show up tomorrow and do my best.”  
  
“It’s not a matter of one day, Mr. Lim,” his manager sighed. “It’s a question of reliability and general work ethics.”  
  
“I will work harder from now on,” Changkyun hurried to say, but he could hear in his manager’s voice that he’d made a decision. “You can’t do this.”  
  
“I told you on your first day that you’re an exception,” he said. “But you didn’t work like one. It’s a shame I have to do this. You’ll receive the notice via mail.”  
  
“What about this month?” Changkyun panicked. “Will I be paid for the rest of the month?”  
  
“You’ll find the details in the letter. Good luck, kid.”

“Sure.” Changkyun said. Didn’t want to say thank you; couldn’t get the words to pass his lips.  
  
He had been the exception. The only omega who got hired in that place just because no betas or alphas applied at that time. They didn’t even try to hide the fact that alphas got the best jobs, no matter how qualified they were.  
Everyone would rather hire and alpha over an omega in a bad financial and mental condition, an omega who had to deal with heats on a regular basis and an omega who might be looked down on by customers. The employer’s own bias often played a big role, too.  
  
There were no laws for this kind of thing, so it was rare when a company decided to hire omegas just like that. You had to be overqualified and ready to overwork yourself as an omega. You had to sacrifice yourself for your job or any basic alpha would take it from you.  
Changkyun wouldn’t say thank you for that. He just hung up.

He sat on his bed in the little empty room in the haven and he had no idea what to do now. There was anger boiling deep down inside him.  
 Because what was he supposed to do? Go to work in heat again? Put himself in danger and suffer all day again? Get assaulted again? Possibly worse?  
Nothing about it was fair but he also was so stupid for calling his manager in the first place. If he had just kept his mouth shut and went to work. If he hadn’t gotten brave for no reason.

He walked downstairs and sat down on the sofa next to Kihyun who flipped through a magazine and looked up at him with a worried expression on his face.  
  
 “What happened?” He asked when he saw Changkyun’s facial expression.  
  
“I think I... just lost my job.”

“The one in the supermarket?”  
  
“The one in the bookstore...the one that paid my rent,” he brought out. “This is it.”  
  
“How long have you been working there?” Kihyun asked softly, laying his magazine aside and putting a gentle hand on Changkyun’s thigh.  
  
“About a year. It was so hard to get it... but they never keep me.” He let himself sink into the couch and his limbs went weak. He wasn’t even strong enough to cry. Everything was falling apart again and he wished he’d just finally get used to it.  
  
“That’s not your fault,” Kihyun said quickly. “They often just wait for alphas to come along and then get rid of us. Happened to me two times.”  
  
Changkyun just nodded. Stared holes into the air and didn’t have the strength to lift his head back up off the couch. He wasn’t in the mood to tell Kihyun how much he needed the money. How important it was for him to keep his apartment, just in case his mother would come back. He couldn’t talk about any of these things right now. Didn’t feel like crying either and wasn’t even sure if he had any tears left after the past weeks.  
  
“Can I ask you something,” Changkyun said quietly. “How do you do it? How can you be with an alpha when you hate them so much?”  
  
Kihyun didn’t seem offended, but a little surprised. Then he hummed, thinking about it.  
  
“Hyunwoo is supportive. He listens to me when I vent about alphas and doesn’t pretend like I’m oversensitive,” Kihyun’s voice turned softer again when he talked about his partner. “It took so long until I trusted him.”  
  
“Really?”  
Changkyun had assumed it was a soulmate thing between the two of them. A love at first sight occurrence maybe.

“Really. He and Hoseok took me in and helped me get back on my feet, but I only stayed because I was in a bad condition. I was so convinced they had some secret plans with me, because two alphas saving an omega off the streets? Doesn’t happen, right?”  
  
“Except it did,” Changkyun concluded.  
  
“Except it did.” He nodded. “What I’m saying is. There’s alphas who are supportive and you gotta see who’s worth your trust.”  
  
“Does...” Changkyun stopped himself from talking. He didn’t know how to say it. But the curiosity was stronger. “Did Hoseok ever have a...partner?”

Kihyun looked at him with a calculating expression in his eyes, as if he scanned Changkyun’s motives. Changkyun wasn’t even completely sure himself why he was interested to hear about it.  
  
“He doesn’t talk about it often, but he was with a beta girl for a while and then an alpha guy,” Kihyun shrugged his shoulders. “That’s all I know about.”  
  
“An alpha?”  
  
“It surprised me, too, yeah,” Kihyun smiled. “Don’t tell him, but I think he’s scared of being with omegas. He has high expectations for himself.”

“And we’re absolutely completely sure he’s an alpha?” Changkyun said dryly and made Kihyun look at him surprised, before he burst with laughter. He put a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder and squeezed lightly.  
  
“What?” he asked in confusion when Kihyun just couldn’t stop chuckling.  
  
“It’s just the first time I hear you joking,” he explained. “I wasn’t prepared. And yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s an alpha. Didn’t your heat make it kinda clear?”  
  
Changkyun felt the blood rush into his head, but had to nod.  
  
“It did,” he sighed. “His scent drives me crazy.”  
  
And his soft voice. His warm eyes and big arms. How he cared for Changkyun in a special, new way that Changkyun had never experienced before.  
But he didn’t say that.  
  
-  
  
When the heat woke him that night, he went right to the bathroom.  
He stepped into the shower and the cold water hit his hot body like an ocean wave of needles. It hurt a little, but was so much more relieving. He nearly waited for the water to evaporate on his burning skin, but it didn’t.  
It cooled him down on the outside and he washed off the slick between his legs, but the burning was still strong in his stomach and the tension prickled under his skin.  
When he jerked off, he did it lazily. He was still half asleep and all he could really concentrate on was getting rid of the worst for a moment.  
  
He thought about Hoseok.  
 Wondered if it was true that he was scared of being with an omega and wondered what kind of people his ex partners were.  
But his thoughts didn’t stay clear for long.  
With his eyes closed and the water so cold on his back, Changkyun also thought about Hoseok’s toned body, his impressive thighs and strong arms and about his honey voice; tried to recreate his sweet-sour citrusy scent in his mind. Wondered what he looked like without his muscle shirts on.  
Tried to imagine him letting go of control; just a little.  
 He came hard and with a muffled moan and for a short moment it was so relieving.  
His body relaxed for a while, the burning calmed down a little, his skin felt more like his own again.  
  
Then he sat down in the shower and thoughts about the bookstore came creeping in, too.  
Once again he was at a point in his life where his way lost itself somewhere in the wilderness.  
He would be yet again forced to trample a new little path, no matter how difficult and uncertain it might get.  
  
And in the shower in the middle of the night, where nobody could see or hear him over the running water, it was finally save to let go and cry, because the way his hope dribbled through his fingers like sand was terrifying, really.  
And the one thing he hadn’t lost yet was his hope, but he couldn’t hold onto it like this forever, could he?  
And he didn’t know what would happen if it completely left him.

It would be a catastrophe.  
The end of the world, maybe.

-  
  
The irony tasted so bitter when he woke up the next morning and his heat was over. He could’ve easily gone to work like this, but now he didn’t have a job to go to anymore.  
He tried telling himself that he would’ve gotten fired anyway, but it barely helped.  
  
He sat in bed and stared at the half opened window for a while. He’d just sent an update message to Yugyeom, leaving out the minor information that he’d lost his job and reassuring him that he was in good company in the haven. Yugyeom answered quickly and somehow managed to make his messages sound concerned without the use of emojis or lots of words. Changkyun could practically hear his worried voice when he read it.  
  
>What about your nightmares?<  
  
Changkyun thought about it for a moment.  
>The heat is good for something I guess< he typed. Then deleted it. Didn’t want to complain again because it felt like that’s all he did nowadays.  
settled for a simple >No nightmares< and added a >How are you doing gyeom?<  
  
He waited for a moment, but this time no reply came, so he put his phone aside.  
  
His opened notebook and a pencil lay on his lap, but he hadn’t written a single word yet. They just kept him company like old friends and Changkyun felt a little less horrible with them there, knowing they were ready if he suddenly got a burst of inspiration.  
But what to write about when he barely felt anything anymore? Everything was so overwhelming that even his creativity seemed to have left for an indefinite hiatus. Taking a vacation to a simpler town maybe, to a less broken host. Who knew?  
  
There were two or three embarrassing lines about the haven in his notebook, from weeks ago, about the alpha that wasn’t really an alpha and the boys that had treated Changkyun like a brother even though he was an only-child.  
Not even Yugyeom was allowed to read his rhymes and drabbles. There were words about him in there, too, and maybe, just maybe they talked about how Yugyeom saved Changkyun’s life.  
 It was a matter of interpretation, really. Only Changkyun knew the exact feelings behind every scribbled down word and he’d learned long ago that this was his biggest treasure and yet another reason for his solitude at the same damn time.  
  
  
There were some voices downstairs and the clattering of dishes, but he couldn’t bring himself to join the others.  
Wanted to act like he wasn’t there for a little longer. Like he wasn’t a person. It could feel so nice to pretend.  
  
But it took only half an hour for someone to knock at his door.  
It was Hyungwon.  
Changkyun hadn’t talked to him a lot so far, but he smiled at him.  
  
“How’s your heat?” he asked and came into the room slowly, hesitating a bit.  
  
“It’s over,” Changkyun smiled. “I’m just being lazy.”  
  
“Fair enough,” Hyungwon hummed. “Do you want me to tell them you’re still asleep?”  
  
“No, it’s alright,” Changkyun shook his head. “I’ll be down there in a minute.”  
Hyungwon nodded and stood there in silence for a moment. As if he wanted to say something but didn’t quite know how.  
  
“I know they can be a bit much,” he said. “But it helps to be with people sometimes. Tell me if you need something.”  
  
“Thank you,” Changkyun said and Hyungwon awkwardly smiled at him.  
  
When he left the room, Changkyun felt a little warmer and a little less alone in the world.  
He stood up and walked to the window. There was a bit of sunshine between grey clouds, a rare occurrence in the last months of the year.  
Maybe he should go downstairs after all.  
  
-

When he walked into the living room, most of the boys were still eating their cereal out of little bowls and the TV was on.  
Only Hyunwoo and Kihyun prepared to leave for work.  
 It was their turn to drive to the farm and help out. Kihyun just finished renewing the bandage around Hyunwoo’s knee and Changkyun sat down on the couch next to them.  
The wound had healed and Kihyun explained that the bandage was just for stability at this point.  
  
“Thank you for rescuing me that night,” Changkyun said and it sounded awkward. Way too late, too. But Hyunwoo smiled warmly at him, shaking his head.  
  
“I’m glad we got them,” he said. “Maybe they think about it twice before they attack an omega again.”  
  
“We really shouldn’t go out in two man pairs,” Kihyun sighed. “It’s too dangerous. It’s a shame we only have two alphas.”  
  
“But you fight well, too,” Hyunwoo said.  
  
“That’s cute of you, babe, but I know you’re lying.”

“You fight?” Changkyun asked while Hyunwoo disappeared out of the room and Kihyun put a jacket on that had been lying on the couch.  
  
“We all do. But we’re still learning. They don’t give us enough training if you ask me.”  
  
“Hoseok and Hyunwoo?”  
  
“Yeah. They taught us the basics and Jooheon knows some stuff, too, but it’s not enough.”  
  
Changkyun nodded. Nearly said he wanted to learn how to fight too, but stopped himself.  
He wasn’t a part of their group.  
No matter how easy it felt to be with them. No matter how much they made him feel like he belonged.

  
“You should eat something,” Minhyuk told him and nodded over to the milk and cereal that waited on a counter in the little kitchen that was connected to the living room.  
It looked so old and the faucet and fridge didn’t look like they actually worked. You could see the bricks of the wall, because the stuck was mostly peeled off.  
A little window in the kitchen missed its glass and there was blue foil fixated over it to keep the wind out. It was all pretty improvised but it worked somehow.  
The sink was full of dirty dishes and Changkyun made a mental note to come back to them. Wanted to be good for something.  
  
He made himself a bowl of cereal, sat down next to Minhyuk on the carpet and started eating, too.  
There was a big lump in his throat but it was nice not to be alone. They didn’t talk much, all still half asleep and the flickering TV showed some breakfast show that really didn’t interest him.  
  
“Who’s driving out tonight?” Hyungwon asked with his mouth full.  
  
Minhyuk lifted his hand up, not looking away from the TV.  
“Me and Hoseok,” he munched.  
  
Hoseok walked into the room a few minutes later. With wet hair pushed back and a grey sweater on, some ripped jeans. He looked tired, little dark circles under his eyes and his face a bit puffy from sleep.

“Minhyuk says you two make the rounds tonight...?” Hyungwon asked him when he let himself fall into the couch.  
  
“Yeah,” Hoseok hummed. “Why?”  
  
“Yeah, why would I lie?” Minhyuk pinched Hyungwon in the side, making him groan and block him.  
  
“Why do you do anything you do?” he asked back.  
  
“That’s easy. I do most things because I know you hate them.”  
  
“Well there you have your answer, you pain in the ass,” Hyungwon mumbled, but there was the hint of a grin on his face when he stuffed his mouth with more cereal, pushing Minhyuk a little harder, so he lost his balance.  
  
“You wish i was a pain in your ass...” Minhyuk mumbled when he’d sat up again, but didn’t get any reaction other than Hyungwon rolling his eyes and ignoring him.

Hoseok sighed and looked at Changkyun, shooting him a tortured look.  
Changkyun smiled and felt a little tingly. A little warm in the face.  
  
“How was your night?” Hoseok asked then.  
  
“It was okay,” he said. He didn’t wanna think of cold showers and lewd thoughts, including the very man who’d asked. “My heat’s over.”  
  
“I noticed,” Hoseok said, a friendly smile on his face, not giving away how much of a relief it probably was for him, too.  
“And about your job... we’ll figure something out.”  
  
Changkyun just nodded. Even though he didn’t believe in it.  
“I have a job for him,” Jooheon called out from the kitchen. “Someone’s gotta help me collect firewood today.”  
  
“I thought that was my thing,” Hyungwon said and looked betrayed.  
  
“Well, we can always use a little help, right?”  
  
So it was decided that Changkyun should help with the firewood. They didn’t have modern heaters in that derelict, so the only source of warmth was a medium sized furnace in a corner of the living room. It wasn’t one of the romantic, pretty ones. Just a little decayed stone oven with dirt and soot all around it and only two last pieces of dry wood next to it.

  
After Jooheon and Hyungwon had gone back to their rooms, Changkyun decided to do the dishes.  
He wasn’t particularly bad at it, but working in a kitchen as small and unorganized as this one was a real quest.  
  
“It’s rare to see someone in this house doing chores by choice.”  
Changkyun nearly let the bowl in his hand fall into the sink when Hoseok appeared next to him, curiously watching him.  
  
“I didn’t have anything to do,” Changkyun said quietly and kept cleaning the bowl in his hand with a worn out, dirty sponge.  
  
“I could boil some water,” Hoseok suggested. “Your hands must be freezing.”  
  
“It’s okay. I’m nearly done,” Changkyun said. “But I couldn’t find a dishtowel.”  
  
Hoseok nodded and squatted down next to him, opened a cupboard and rummaged around. “It’s your lucky day. There’s one last clean one.  
By the way, do you have any clothes that need washing? I was about to do the laundry.”  
  
Changkyun thought about his pants and trousers which were soaked in slick and his shirts that smelled like sweat.  
“Actually, yeah, that might be a good idea.”

 

He hadn’t even thought about where the boys did the laundry, but twenty minutes later, when he followed Hoseok down a narrow, dark staircase into an equally dark basement, his heart was racing.  
Following an alpha into dark foreign basements was generally low on his list of fun things to do and also something his mother would definitely not be happy with if she knew.  
  
But it wasn’t fear that made his heart race and that made him cling to his arms full of dirty laundry a little tighter. It was the fact that he was alone with Hoseok for the first time since they’d talked on the couch. It was the fact that he wasn’t scared, that made him a little nervous. The fact that he felt ridiculously comfortable and safe around the guy and only a tiny little bit nervous for all the wrong reasons.  
He wondered what to talk about and if he’d kempt his hair this morning and the only thing that made him uncomfortable was hiding his underwear and trousers from Hoseok’s eyes.    
  
“Not to make things weird,” Hoseok chuckled, while he opened a door at the bottom of the staircase with a little kick, making it fly open reluctantly. “But it smells good to me.”  


“What?” Changkyun brought out. The blood was already streaming into his head. Of course he could smell everything.  
  
“Your stuff. It smells like your heat.” Hoseok said awkwardly. “Have I ever told you what your heat smells like?”  
  
“Nope,” Changkyun tried to sound casual, but his cheeks felt hot and something tingled in his stomach.

Changkyun followed him through the door and stood in absolute darkness for a moment.  
  
“It smells like some sort of berries. Maybe strawberries or raspberries? But like... intoxicating berries, you know. Probably alcoholic.”  
  
 He could barely see Hoseok fumbling a small kerosene lantern out of a holder on the wall and then he heard the clicking sound of a lighter and a moment later there was a faint, warm light coming from a flame inside of the lantern.  Changkyun knew these lamps; he had one in his apartment, too.  
Hoseok held it in front of his eyes and indicated him to follow him.  
  
“So basically I smell like a strawberry cocktail?” Changkyun raised an eyebrow, and then he sighed. “How incredibly manly.”  
Hoseok laughed a little.  
  
“I’ve never been into stronger booze anyway,” he shrugged his shoulders and Changkyun didn’t know what to respond. The silence between them was tangible. He was grateful that it was too dark and that he didn’t have to worry if the heat in his face was visible.  
  
They stood in front of a big stone basin and he watched Hoseok make use of a big faucet. Then they waited for a moment, before water started dribbling out of a tube and into the basin. After a few more moments it was a strong stream of water.  
Hoseok leaned down on all fours to put a big plug into the ground and they watched for a moment how the basin slowly started to fill with water.  
He put the kerosene lantern aside and took a big clothes-basket from the floor and tipped everything out into the basin. Then another one.  
  
When he was done, he sat down at the edge of the basin and crossed his legs.  
  
“Just throw your stuff in,” he said and Changkyun did as he was told. The stone basin wasn’t deep, but it had at least two feet inside width and Changkyun was still fascinated that this was how they did their laundry. He’d usually just go to the laundry room in his apartment’s basement.  
  
“What about Minhyuk?” Changkyun asked, while he sat down next to Hoseok. Made sure to keep a safe distance between them. The noise of the water streaming smoothly into the basin made him feel at ease.  
  
“What about him?”  
  
“What does Minhyuk’s heat smell like?” Changkyun asked. He wasn’t entirely sure why.  
  
“Oh,” Hoseok chuckled. “Kind of like vanilla or something. Like i said, I’m pretty used to their scents by now.”  
  
Hoseok looked at him and his features looked even softer in the warm light of the lamp. It was cold in the basement and not even Changkyun’s big sweater and sneakers could do something against the way his muscles were tensed and his teeth wanted to clatter.  
  
“In the summers we wash our stuff in the river,” he said. “When it’s warm enough we just jump in, too. You really came during the hardest time of the year.”  
  
Changkyun hummed. There was something stirring in his stomach. Thoughts about his one bed apartment and about his job. The annoying hope in his gut and the way he couldn’t stop himself from imagining himself with the boys during summer, playing and working and one day maybe even driving out with them to help their cause.  
Changkyun forced these thoughts out of his head. Forbad them to make a smile grow on his face and reminded himself to never get his hopes up. He’d done alright without getting his hopes up so far and he could do without any more disappointments.  
  
“What are you thinking about?” Hoseok wanted to know.  
  
“Not much,” Changkyun lied.  
  
“You always look like you’re worrying. Like you never stop thinking.”  
  
“It’s a privilege to stop thinking,” Changkyun said and sounded a little bitterer than he wanted to. Didn’t want to start complaining to the very person that made it possible for him to feel safer than he had in months.  
  
Hoseok nodded as if he’d expected an answer like that. Maybe he agreed? Changkyun wasn’t sure.  
When he looked over, Hoseok’s eyes were fixated on a spot on the stone wall across the room. I was even rougher than upstairs in the rooms.  
  
He looked like his thoughts had gone on a trip to somewhere only Hoseok knew and Changkyun didn’t dare to interrupt the silence with irrelevant words. Watching Hoseok had something calming, and he tried and tried to figure out what the expression on his face meant, but he couldn’t make sense of it.  
Something sad threw his soft features out of balance. Whatever it was; Changkyun felt like an intruder, so he averted his eyes and watched how the basin filled with water. It was already half full now.  
  
“You’re not so scared of me anymore,” Hoseok stated. “I’ll take that as a compliment. I just can’t say the same about you.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Hoseok hummed and then finally looked away from the magical spot on the wall and smiled at Changkyun instead, back to his warm expression. “You’d think after living in a house full of omegas for so long I’d be better at dealing with you guys, huh?”  
  
“You’re doing good though,” Changkyun said. Confused. Wanted to say more. Wanted to tell him that he wasn’t only great at what he did, but that he made him rethink his entire world view. That he was one of a kind and that it was difficult not to feel safe around him when he was this caring and attentive.  
 But he couldn’t get the words past his lips. Why were kind words always so hard to speak?  
 Changkyun was out of practice. Had settled for sarcasm and dry responses for so long that he wasn’t even sure if his voice still produced those soft tones that Hoseok spoke with.  
What if his words betrayed him and didn’t stop when it was time to? What if they’d tell Hoseok how hard it was for Changkyun to stop thinking of his citrus scent and his careful eyes and the way he stroked back his hair when he was tired from work. The way his smile became so damn fond when he looked at the other boys and was convinced nobody was paying attention to him. There were so many things Changkyun didn’t want him to know, so he settled for a few words of reassurance that felt shallow and flat on his tongue.  
  
“But I do have a gift for bringing interesting people here, if I may say so” Hoseok smiled and then, without any forewarning, he stood up and walked over to the faucet. He turned off the water and looked at Changkyun with a little spark in his eyes, rolling his sleeves up diligently.

“Now let me show you how to do this old school style,” he grinned. “But you might not be able to feel your hands after this.”

\---

  
Later on the same day Changkyun wore his thickest sweaters and his only coat and gloves that Jooheon had given him and Hoseok’s scarf that he remembered from the night at the river.  
 It smelled so much like him, it was ridiculous.  
  
And Changkyun wasn’t in heat, so it didn’t have the creepy, calming effect anymore. Instead the citrusy smell made his arms tingle a little and his stomach, too.  
And he really needed its warmth out there. It was a sunny day, but the air was cold and there was a thin layer of snow on the ground when they walked to the van in front of the house.  
  
Hyungwon drove while Jooheon sat with Changkyun on the backseats. The forest was no ten minutes away.  
  
They parked the van where the path got too small to go on. With their saws in their hands they didn’t walk too far into the forest.  
It was so much colder in the thicket where the trees threw fat shadows over them and locked out the last bit of sunshine.  
It was darker in there, too, and Changkyun tried not to think of the last time he’d been in a forest like this one, because the story involved terrifying alphas and the heat.  
  
“This is a good one to start with,” Jooheon told him and pointed towards a small tree that lay on the ground. “It’s a little moist but it will do.  
“It’s always good to go for oak or ash, they’re burning nicely. You want them dry and light” Jooheon told him and Changkyun nodded, as if he could tell any of these trees apart. They all looked the same to him.  
  
When Jooheon set down the saw on the poor tree, Hyungwon stood next to Changkyun.  
  
“Just pretend you know what he’s talking about,” he shrugged his shoulders. “I always just collect the ones that look nicest and they always burn more or less, so whatever.”  
  
“I can hear you,” Jooheon hummed. “And last time we used your wood we nearly died of smoke poisoning, remember?”  
Hyungwon rolled his eyes and ignored him.  
Changkyun positioned the saw where Hyungwon told him to and they reduced the tree into five smaller parts, every single one half as long as Changkyun himself.  
  
And it was much more straining than he’d thought. He wasn’t unfit on principle, but the way he had to bend down soon hurt his back and maybe it was the aftermath of the heat or just the fact that he didn’t do much physical training, but his arms started hurting, too. It didn’t help that he’d done the laundry with Hoseok earlier and he wasn’t sure if his arms had completely warmed up from the cold water yet.  
He started feeling weak and useless, every muscle strained from the movement.  
  
When they were done with the first tree, they carried the wood to the van together, had to chop it a little more until it fit comfortably onto the backseats where they had splayed out an old bed sheet.  
Then they went back into the forest again, searching for another fallen tree, but what they found was a dead one that was still standing.  
Changkyun had no idea how they recognized it as dead, but he just went along and endured the pain in his arms and back.

“I’m gonna go visit Jackson tomorrow,” Jooheon said, and then looked at Changkyun and added. “He’s a friend of mine, a beta. I used to be on the run with him, but kinda got stuck around here. He settled in the south; made his own haven now.”  
  
“How many are they now?” Hyungwon asked while trying to break the tree with his hands and feet where he’d been sawing. It gave in under the pressure and finally broke with a pitiful cracking sound.

“I think five or six?” Jooheon said, pausing for a moment.  
  
“Do they have the same system?” Changkyun asked. “Helping out omegas and stuff?”  
  
“Kind of,” Jooheon nodded. “Jackson plans to do the same thing Hoseok did, but they’re still busy settling down there. I’ll update you when I’m back.”  
He smiled and positioned his saw again.  
  
It took them nearly three hours to get all of the firewood into the car and when they finally drove back Changkyun was so exhausted his feet nearly gave in when he stepped out of the car.  
  
Minhyuk came jogging towards them and Hoseok was close behind him, smiling a soft smile and Changkyun liked to think he was looking at him.  
  
“We’ll do the rest,” Minhyuk sing-sang. “You deserve a break. There’s tee and sandwiches in the kitchen.”

-

After he’d eaten and drunk, he played cards with Hyungwon. He didn’t talk as much as Minhyuk, but it was comfortable and he went easy on Changkyun, who still tried to figure out how the game worked. You need friends for card games and Yugyeom was more of the video game type.  
  
“Hoseok talked to his family yesterday,” Hyungwon said. “Apparently Italy has a big wave of refugees again.”  
  
“From Korea?” Changkyun wondered.  
  
“Not only, but yeah, there’s people from here too,” he looked at his card for a moment and laid one onto the staple on the carpet. “It’s known to be much saver there. For omegas.”  
  
Changkyun just hummed. He knew about people fleeing when things got too dangerous in their hometown or country. It wasn’t widely covered by media, but many omegas were on the run from oppressive alphas.  
There were rumors of whole villages being oppressed by a handful of powerful alphas in high positions with terrifying consequences when you don’t follow their rules and conditions. He didn’t even want to imagine what kind of things were happening there, but he didn’t doubt for a second that it was more than just rumors.  
 It was inhumane and even though his town was a small one, he was glad that there was some kind of system and that it wasn’t comparable to the conditions elsewhere.  
  
“Why Italy though?” Changkyun wanted to know. “Isn’t that too far away?”  
  
“I think the laws are just more inclusive over there. It’s no paradise, but it’s saver. But Hoseok’s people have lots of work now, because people are often penniless and without any perspective when they arrive.”

Changkyun nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure why Hyungwon told him about all this and hadn’t expected this to be their first proper conversation, but there was something in Hyungwon’s eyes that was full of passion. Maybe he just really cared about those people.

“We gotta be careful here, man,” he then said and his voice and eyes changed slightly. Became more stern, a bit lecturing. “I don’t mind if you stay longer, but you should know that we all gotta stay lowkey. We don’t need any alphas picking a fight with us, because we wouldn’t stand a chance.”  
  
Changkyun’s throat felt a bit weird. He still wasn’t entirely sure what Hyungwon told him.  
  
“Of course,” he said. “I don’t wanna cause trouble.”  
  
“I know,” Hyungwon smiled a thin smile. “I’m just thinking of our chances. There’s so many alphas around here and so far they don’t care about us enough to start anything. But the guy that cornered you at the supermarket. We know him. I think he has an eye on us.”

A cold shiver ran down Changkyun’s spine when he thought about the alpha with the icy blue eyes and the terrifying undertone in his voice. He seemed so reckless and he seemed to despise omegas more than anything.  
  
“All I’m saying is,” Hyungwon sighed and looked into his cards again. “Be careful. Don’t let anyone follow you here. If you decide to join us, you’re responsible for the haven, too. Hoseok and Hyunwoo do their best, but they’re so naive. Hoseok’s too idealistic for his own good. So I’m telling you, we all have a responsibility here.”

“Okay,” Changkyun hummed. Didn’t know what to say. Felt so childish for wanting to defend himself, even though he wasn’t being attacked. Not really.  
  
“But apart from that,” He smiled. “I’d like to have someone help us with the firewood more often, because Jooheon only makes fun of my weak arms all day long.”  
  
“Mine aren’t any better,” Changkyun managed a smile, but he was still in thoughts. Still felt like the harmony was a bit off between them. Wanted to repair it.  
  
But then he remembered the cards in his hand and smiled a little when he took another off the staple.  
Perfect.  
He lay them down in front of him on the carpet and smiled modestly.  
  
“You won?” Hyungwon looked at him in disbelief. “This quick? Is everyone in this house a freaking cards genius?”  
  
“Beginner’s luck,” Changkyun smiled.

-

 

They ate some of the vegetables Kihyun and Hyunwoo had brought home and some bread that was a bit hard already but at least it hadn’t gotten moldy yet.  
  
Hoseok and Minhyuk discussed the routes they’d take that night and something in Changkyun didn’t want Hoseok to leave. He’d prefer sitting on the couch with him and watching TV.  
To maybe wait until the others had gone to bed again and to talk about things they shouldn’t talk about again.  
Maybe cuddle close to him again. In his big, gentle arms and listen to his calming words.  
  
 But Changkyun wiped the thoughts out of his head. He wasn’t in heat anymore and there was no reason to seek his closeness. Hoseok had better things to do then to spend time with him anyway.  
So Changkyun ignored how weirdly lonely his heart got and watched Minhyuk and Hoseok prepare for their night shift.  
  
They packed some provision and wrapped themselves in practical, warm clothes. Hoseok looked intimidating in that dark greenish worn out military jacket and the trousers that had too many pockets and clasps. Brown locks tucked into a black beanie, making his face look a little sharper than it was.  
  
He looked like a warrior rather than the head of an omega-shelter on his way to offer help to those in need.  
Minhyuk was dressed more subtle, but looked ready and determined, too. Wore black, practical trousers and lace-up-boots. Changkyun held his breath for a moment when he saw the belt around Minhyuk’s waist with two small and compact knifes in sheaths, before he zipped up his beige jacket over it. White bandages around the ball of his right hand that Changkyun didn’t dare to ask about.  
  
It was already dark outside when they left around 8pm and the house felt a lot emptier when Changkyun went into the living room to join Jooheon on the couch.

-  


He had no idea what time it was, when he sat up straight in his bed. Wasn’t even sure what woke him up.  
His room was dark and he was so cold that he was shaking, but he also knew immediately that something was off.  
Could hear voices downstairs; hectic whispering and footsteps. His heart raced when he stepped out of bed in nothing but sweatpants and a long-sleeve shirt.  
Ignored the icy feeling in his bones.  
  
He went into the hallway and stopped at the top of the stairs, looking down.  
Kihyun was on the phone, walking up and down the hallway quickly, talking too quietly for Changkyun to understand anything.  
Next to him was Hyunwoo, hastily putting his boots on, his black hair still messy from sleep, but his motions controlled and precise.  
Changkyun walked downstairs and the boys spotted him, but didn’t pay him any attention.  
He saw Jooheon half running through the front door in a rush and leaving it ajar.  
  
“You know what to do, Minhyuk,” Kihyun hissed into the phone, his voice tensed and filled with stress, barely as collected as he tried to look. “Don’t freak out now... get him away from them... no... at least 15 minutes... Hyunwoo and Jooheon, yeah... I know...”  
  
Kihyun closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
Changkyun startled when Hyungwon suddenly stood next to him on the staircase. He hadn’t seen him approaching. Was too entranced by Kihyun’s words.  
What was going on?  
He wanted to ask but there was no space for him. He watched the boys function like a gearwheel, ignoring him and Hyungwon completely. They all seemed to know their job and role and they didn’t have to communicate a lot to figure out who was in charge of what.  
  
“Minhyuk, listen... can you see muscles or anything? .... okay ... as long as he’s conscious, you drive,” Kihyun said the words loudly and slowly. “No, you can do this... you have the stuff...as soon as you’re safe you clean it and stitch it... then you wait for us....”

Kihyun took his jacket and shoes while still on the phone. Jammed them under his arms and kept talking.  
  
“I’m gonna hang up now... do what I told you... Everything is gonna be okay... see you in 15 minutes.”

The moment he hung up he turned around to face Changkyun and Hyungwon on the stairs.  
  
“You,” he pointed at Hyungwon. “Stay with him and prepare a bed. Boil some water. Everything is gonna be okay.”  
He said the last sentence like a mantra that had to come true if he just repeated it often enough. It just made Changkyun’s pulse hammer louder in his veins.  
  
“What happened?” Hyungwon walked towards Kihyun, panic dripping in his voice. “Is Minhyuk okay?”  
  
“He’s fine,” Kihyun said. “It’s Hoseok. They got into a fight with two alphas... just do what I told you!”  
  
Hyungwon wasn’t satisfied with the answer, but Kihyun quickly slipped into his shoes and without lacing them and with his jacket still under his arm he hurried out of the house in a smart pace. Hyungwon followed him to the door.  
  
“Don’t you dare come back without them!” he yelled and when Changkyun reached the door, he could only watch how the three of them drove off in a shabby old car he’d never seen before, nearly faster than it could handle.  
  
They stood there in the open door a little longer, staring at the empty streets, before Hyungwon walked back inside.  
  
“Fuck,” he cursed. “These absolute fools.”  
  
Changkyun’s heart didn’t want to calm down. It rebelled in his chest and he felt sick in his stomach when he thought about Kihyun’s words.  
Hoseok.  
  
“I fucking hate them for leaving me behind,” Hyungwon hissed, while he walked into the kitchen.  
  
Changkyun followed him into the living room and watched him make a fire with the last few pieces of wood and he filled a pot with water. Hyungwon’s face was calm and collected, or rather expressionless and Changkyun didn’t dare say anything. He could feel something like anger, worry, maybe panic seething underneath the surface, but his face didn’t show any of these emotions.  
  
“It’s always Hyunwoo and Jooheon... it’s always Kihyun...” he said. “As if I don’t worry about Hoseok, too! And Minhyuk,” he kicked against the counter, causing a loud crash inside. Made Changkyun startle. “If something happened to him-”

He didn’t finish his sentence, but carried the water, spilling some of it on his way through the living room to the fireplace, where he hung the pot and stood back up again.  
  
“No offense,” Hyungwon said. “But I can’t believe they put me on a level with you. You’re practically a stranger.”  
  
“I’m sure they just needed someone to be at home for when they come back,” Changkyun said carefully.  
  
“I know,” Hyungwon said sand sat down on the couch. His shoulders slumped and he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry... it’s not your fault.”  
  
Changkyun just shook his head lightly, sitting down on the couch next to him.  
  
“How can I just sit here while Minhyuk’s out there?” He asked and his voice vibrated with something disguised as anger, but there was more.  
“He’s such a shitty fighter, you have no idea. Can’t hurt people for shit, no matter how much they deserve it. And Hoseok...Always has his naive, stupid head in the clouds...His fucking lack of concentration is gonna kill him one day!”  
  
Changkyun felt something stir in his stomach, but when it tried to reach his throat, he swallowed and forced it back down again.  
He didn’t have the right to be so worried, but there was panic seething deep inside him, not quite enough to overflow.  
This wasn’t about him, but there was a lump in his throat, and the bare thought of Hoseok being wounded in a fight with alphas made him want to throw up.  
The hint of worry on Hyungwon’s face was what brought him back to the moment.  
They were his best friends; Changkyun knew so much. They could be all Hyungwon had.  
  
“I wanna rip their stupid heads off,” Hyungwon said quietly and his voice broke a little at the end.  
  
“They’re gonna be okay,” Changkyun said, looking at Hyungwon carefully. There was a tear escaping his eye now, as he stared at the TV that wasn’t on and his hands balled to fists on his thighs.  
  
“They have to,” he nodded.  
  
They sat there for a while and Changkyun wasn’t sure if it was ten minutes, or twenty, maybe even thirty, barely talking to each other and just lost in their own thoughts. Whenever Hyungwon talked a few words, he didn’t really direct them at Changkyun and maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference if he wasn’t even there at all.  
  
Changkyun wanted to comfort Hyungwon, but he felt like anything he’d do would just stir him up more. Maybe this wasn’t the time to repair their harmony that had little cracks, maybe it wasn’t the time to try and prove that he could be of use, no matter how much he wanted to do just that.  
 Maybe this was about sitting with Hyungwon while he cursed his brothers and denied the tears on his own face.  
Maybe it was about Changkyun just listening and trying not to think of Hoseok or Minhyuk.  
 Or his mother.  
 About how easy it was for people to go and not come back.

-

 

It was the first time Changkyun was in Hoseok’s room.  
He wasn’t sure what he expected, but it wasn’t this.  
Hoseok’s room was just as small as the room Changkyun stayed in, but a lot more alive and lived in.  
There was a work desk with books on it and when he stole a closer look he saw that most of them were about music, some acoustic guitar sheets and some about music history.  
  
There was also drawing equipment, a little metal box with pencils and ink and some other stuff Changkyun couldn’t name.  
 He couldn’t see any drawings, though. There was a staple of paper and some pencil sketch looking out, but he didn’t dare to look at it.  
  
Next to the window leant a black acoustic guitar and on the floor next to it lay some weights and stretching-bands.  
There was a small bed that looked suspiciously handmade, dark wood that had been made into a bed frame which was a tiny little bit askew and a mattress on top.  
Some black bed sheets with white oriental patterns on them.  
  
But the by far most interesting thing in the room was the wall behind the bed, where the stuck was just as brittle as everywhere in the house, but in contrast to the bare stone and white walls in the living room or the hallways, there was art on this one. And not hung up in form of pictures, but painted and seemingly sprayed right onto the wall, partly over the pure bricks.  
 There were different art styles and while it was mostly black spray-paint, there were some colorful elements scattered in there, too.  
The first thing that caught Changkyun’s attention was a drawing of six boys right over the bed, their heads nicely arranged and flowers and plants in vivid detail around them.  
The flowers were colored in blue and lilac tones with the occasional contrasting orange or red blossom.  
It wasn’t the work of a professional, but it was breathtaking nevertheless.  
  
Changkyun realized that he was staring.  
Unwillingly forced himself to look away again and walked over to Hyungwon, who was busy laying out towels on the bed.  
  
“That’s what I meant,” Hyungwon shook his head a little and nodded to the wall. “He’s such a dreamer.”  


Hyungwon left the room without a word and Changkyun looked at the painting on the wall again. Stepped a little closer to see all the little details of it.  
Just when he tried to figure out who of the drawn boys was supposed to be which one of the boys in the haven, he noticed something odd.  
  
Just next to what he assumed to be a drawing of Hoseok himself, the lines of the flowers around him were interrupted abruptly by what seemed to be another layer of stuck. Maybe just more base color? But it didn’t make sense, because why only prepare a small part of the wall when there was actual bricks visible otherwise.  
Changkyun took another step closer and saw that it wasn’t stuck, but a whole piece of thin paper that had been fixated with transparent tape.  
The lines had been continued later on top of the paper, but you could still see the difference if you looked close enough.  
  
And for a moment Changkyun forgot about the situation they were in and forgot about everything he believed in, because the curiosity just overshadowed it all. And before he could stop himself, he’d taken a step towards the wall and looked behind himself to the door quickly, before he carefully loosened the tape off the wall. Just a tiny little bit; just enough so he could peek under it and take a secret look at what someone had tried so hard to hide.  
  
And he wasn’t surprised, not really, but his head still started spinning a little, when he made out what the lines under the paper had formed. It was the portrait of another young man that had been entangled into the whole artwork at some point, the flowers underneath intertwining with those around Hoseok and the others naturally, his hair painted with wild black strokes of a brush and a smile on his face.  
For some reason this seventh boy had been banished out of the painting and under the paper and now, from a few steps away, it looked like the painting was complete with just the six of them.  
  
Changkyun quickly stuck the tape back onto the wall and just when he was about to step back from the door, the old floor in the room creaked a little and he knew he wasn’t alone anymore.  
  
“Do you really think this is the time to snoop around?” Hyungwon said dryly, as if he had expected him to do something like that. Changkyun looked at the floor and felt the humiliation in every single one of his bones and he wanted to vanish. Wanted to turn into thin air. There was nothing to say that could make him look less like an asshole and there was no excuse or lie that could save him the look of disbelief in Hyungwon’s eyes.  

“I’m sorry,” he brought out like an idiot.  
  
“Whatever,” Hyungwon sighed. “We have bigger problems right now.”  
  
His face had just softened a little when they heard a car come closer and saw the bright headlights shine through Hoseok’s little window.

“It’s them,” Hyungwon said and hurried out of the room and Changkyun forced his feet to move and followed him, just a few steps behind him. He swallowed down the humiliation and the need to explain himself and whatever else was spinning in his head.  
  
They ran down the stairs and Hyungwon opened the front door.  
 Changkyun stayed next to it and held his breath while he watched how Minhyuk stepped out of the van.  
Hyungwon hurried towards him and crashed into him.  
  
“Thank god you’re okay,” he breathed out and pulled Minhyuk into a quick, clumsy hug, pressing him tightly against himself, one hand on the back of Minhyuk’s head, like he was a precious porcelain doll that had to be handled with care.  
Changkyun had the urge to look away because it was all too much and too intimate and not meant for his eyes.  
  
“Where’s Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked out of breath when they’d let go of each other.  
Minhyuk opened one of the car doors and Changkyun remembered to breathe.  
Hyunwoo stepped out, too, and hurried over and together they managed to help Hoseok out of the car. Even all the way from the house Changkyun could see how pale he was, how weak and exhausted he looked.  
He could barely stand by himself.  
 Hyunwoo managed to lift him off the ground and Hoseok groaned in pain, but he let his friend carry him all the way to the front door and Changkyun could smell his citrusy- sweet scent mixed with iron and sweat.  
The reek of other alphas clinging to him like a curse.  
  
They walked past Changkyun quickly, but he could see how his beige trousers were cut and ripped on one side and the fabric around it was soaked in blood, so much of it that Changkyun felt dizzy. The smell hurt his nose and throat and made his stomach turn.  
Hoseok’s eyes were closed, but his face was screwed up into a grimace of pain. His hand pressed onto his thigh, just above the hole in his trousers.  
  
Hyungwon led them into Hoseok’s room where they’d prepared the bed and Changkyun wasn’t sure if he was in the way and if it would be weird for him to join them, so he kept standing in the doorframe again and watched Hyunwoo laying Hoseok down onto the bed. Avoided looking at the painting on the wall behind the bed and watched Minhyuk rush to his other side and gently tuck him into two wool-blankets, leaving only his wounded leg out.

Hyungwon had kneeled down next to Hoseok and held his hand, rubbing little comforting circles into his skin.  
  
“Everything’s gonna be okay.” It was Hyunwoo who said it this time, maybe he’d copied Kihyun’s mantra, maybe it was just the only thing that was worth speaking out loud right now.  
But Changkyun could only stand there and look at Hoseok’s pale face. Could smell the blood and his sweat and his chest felt too tight to breathe and his feet just wouldn’t start moving no matter how many times he told them to do something.  
Hoseok looked so vulnerable like that, so defeated. And all Changkyun wanted to do was care for him the way he had cared for Changkyun, but he didn’t know how. There was no space, no time.  
  
That’s when they heard another car come closer and Changkyun was glad he could turn away and open the door for the other two.  
He couldn’t look at Hoseok any longer.  
He hated that he couldn’t do anything and hated that he didn’t have a way to rip off the heads of the people who did this to him.  
  
And the worst thing was that he wasn’t even in the position to be this churned up over Hoseok, when he was the one that knew him the least. When he was the one who had just invaded Hoseok’s personal space without his consent, only minutes before.

Changkyun felt like crying, but he couldn’t even really look at Hoseok right now.  
Not like this.    
  
Because he had seen enough things that weren’t meant for his eyes and it felt like strangers weren’t supposed to see Hoseok this vulnerable  
And that’s all Changkyun was in this house after all.  
A stranger.  
  
A stranger who happened to owe a lot of things to Hoseok.  
Possibly even his life.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay listen.  
> I'm sorry for making Hyungwon a little difficult, but I adore him irl and I also treasure his character in the story... in Kihyun's words... "Everything's gonna be okay" :P
> 
> I'm also sorry for the slow pace but I swear it's going somewhere and I might speed it up a little from now on...we'll see!!


	4. FOUR

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little bit shorter than the previous ones but it's getting soft in here!!!

_> Hoseok’s room was so full of warmth and care and it felt like the rest of the world was locked out for a little longer.<_

FOUR

                                                                                                                            

Changkyun stared at his reflection in the small, dirty mirror over the bathroom sink. His dark brown hair was getting a little too long behind the ears and his fringe already made it difficult to see through it.  
He stroked it back and looked into his tired eyes, dark circles under them that had become a part of him over the years, his skin that the winter had painted in a pale color, a little uneven here and there where his acne acted up.

Changkyun sighed and let his hair fall back over his eyes.

Kihyun had suggested bringing him his dinner to the room in the evening, but Changkyun forced himself to sit with the others in the living room.  
It was hard enough for them to take care of Hoseok and even though they told Changkyun his wound wasn’t as bad as it looked, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that things hadn’t worked out as smoothly as they pretended.  
 Kihyun said it was just a minor infection and that he had to stitch the wound anew.  
  
It had been barely half an hour after Kihyun and Jooheon had arrived back at the haven that night, when Changkyun had heard Hoseok’s muffled screams and whines through the door. All the way up to his room.  
He doubted they had a way to numb his pain in any way and his tortured voice went right into Changkyun’s bones, making it impossible to even just close his eyes.  
The next day he didn’t see Hoseok at all. Or the days after that.  
  
And Changkyun could tell that the boys had to improvise a little without him.  
They put a halt in their nightly rides, too; just for a few days.

Hyunwoo spent the most time in Hoseok’s room. He was his oldest and maybe his best friend. Minhyuk was in there a lot, too, the guilt written all over his face, making him look tired and tortured, making him seem years older, and Changkyun nearly didn’t recognize him anymore.  
  
Jooheon had packed his stuff like planned and was visiting Jackson in the south, even though he wanted to blow the whole thing off at first. But the other boys insisted it was okay.  
“He’s the most independent, our Jooheonie,” Hyunwoo said after he’d left in the same old jalopy they’d driven to rescue Hoseok and Minhyuk that night.

Changkyun barely left his room all Thursday and only texted Yugyeom, sparing him the details of what was happening in the haven.  
He spent his day scribbling in his notebook and he was glad when he could do the dishes after lunch.  
  
His creativity was back from its vacation and brought lots of ideas and emotions with it that Changkyun tried to deal with like he always did.  
Writing rhymes and imagining the rhythms that fit them in his head.  
He’d filled pages and pages with the ink of his ball-pen in the past days and most of them were abstract and chaotic, and 80% of them talked about injured alphas and cut open thighs and stitches and muffled screams that Changkyun still felt in his bones as if they’d settled there.  
  
The other 20% were filled with shame and fear and a desperation that he couldn’t pinpoint and a big ugly, all overwhelming missing.  
Missing someone, something, everything, and having no idea what exactly it was. It wasn’t only his mother he missed these days.  
  
He missed himself more than anything. Couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he’d forgotten who he was the moment she’d left years ago. That his heartbeat didn’t even feel like his own most of the time and how terrifying it was to have this strange, foreign organ inside of him that he tried so hard to keep alive and that hurt with every damn pump it did.  
  
The presence of the other boys was suffocating and comforting at the same time and Changkyun couldn’t remember why he ever thought he could become a people’s person just because they were welcoming him so warmly. They didn’t know what they got themselves into and he wanted to spare them the disappointment of getting to know him.  
  
The decision was a 50-50 one. He could stay with these wonderful, suffocating, free boys that were on a whole new level of being human and try to endure having them look at his foreign heart and watching them break down the hundreds of walls around it, one at a time.  
  
Or he could go back to the comforting, gruesome loneliness of his apartment in the town, where he’d remember his hatred and fear of alphas and where he’d be far away and unable to disappoint anyone at all, not even Yugyeom, who had gotten so used to being friends with all his broken pieces.  
But with Hoseok being in need and with the amount of things Changkyun owed him, maybe there was no decision to make at all.

 

Kihyun used the van to drive Changkyun to town on Friday, so he could at least work his supermarket shift on the weekend as usually, but it was weird to be back.  
He couldn’t get Hoseok’s pale face and pained voice out of his head all day while he scanned items and sorted shelves and dealt with passive aggressive customers and he still hadn’t found a way to prove to Hyungwon that he wasn’t a bad guy after all. Or at least not as bad as he’d made himself look.  
  
He couldn’t bring himself to spend his weekend in his apartment and was grateful when Kihyun came to pick him up after work.  
Changkyun wanted to stay with them, wanted to wait for the moment he could make himself useful now that Hoseok and Jooheon weren’t able to help out.  
  
When he didn’t think of Hoseok, who was sleeping most of the time and in pain when he was awake, he thought about that seventh boy in the painting. It was unsettling to know that another portrait was there, hidden underneath the flowers and paper. It was even more unsettling that he wasn’t supposed to know about it.  
 If there was a way to throw the knowledge out of his head, he would do it. It was like a dirty stain in the back of his mind that he tried not to look at, but it was always there and it itched and demanded his attention.

On Sunday evening, when he and Kihyun arrived back in the Haven after Changkyun’s last shift for the week was done with, Hyunwoo was already waiting for them in the hallway.  
Hyunwoo bit his lips nervously and hurried to hug Kihyun when they walked in. He was sweating a little and swallowing every few seconds.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Changkyun asked carefully. “Is something with Hoseok?”

“No,” Hyunwoo shook his head when Kihyun freed himself of his embrace to get out of his coat. “It’s just that Minhyuk’s in heat.”  
  
“Oh, great,” Kihyun hissed. “I completely forgot about that. Fucking amazing.”    
Changkyun watched as he slid past Hyunwoo and stomped into the kitchen a little louder than necessary.  
  
“Is Hyungwon with him?” Kihyun asked and Hyunwoo nodded while he let himself plop down on the couch.  
Changkyun sat down next to him. For a short moment it felt so good to sit there so naturally. With every passing day he’d become more used to their everyday routine and the boys, even Hyungwon, had accepted him in the house.  
 They had gotten used to him and he could feel it in his whole body. He was a bit less of an intruder now, but he wasn’t of big help either.  
  
Changkyun wasn’t even sure when he’d made it his mission to become a part of their little group. A part that was worth being there. More than anything, he wanted to make them proud, wanted to deserve his place in their house and maybe their hearts one day.  
Wanted to learn from them and wanted to become someone they respected rather than someone they had to protect or tolerate in the name of their cause.  
He was working on it.  
  
“I can’t deal with any of this right now,” Kihyun brought out and there was a vibrating in his voice that was a tiny bit scary, even though Kihyun had never been anything but kind towards Changkyun.  
“Changkyunnie,” he then added, a little softer and the nickname made Changkyun’s shoulders feel lighter. “Can I ask you to warm up some soup and bring it to Hoseok? And you,” he nodded towards Hyunwoo. “Have you checked his leg yet?”  
  
“Yeah,” Hyunwoo nodded. “It’s still inflamed but not worse than yesterday. I made him a new bandage.”  
  
“Okay,” Kihyun nodded and looked around the living room, as if he made a mental list of things that had to be done, but Hyunwoo blocked his way.  
  
“Go lie down for a bit,” he said softly. “We got this.”

Changkyun nodded and went to the kitchen, partly because he could finally make himself useful and partly because he didn’t want to disturb the way the two of them talked with just their eyes once again, maybe about things that were too intimate for words.  
Not that Changkyun would understand things like that. Things that had to do with trust and warmth and being connected to another human being.  
  
And if Yugyeom could see him stealing little looks at the couple, he’d probably make fun of him. But Hyunwoo and Kihyun were a bit of a miracle to him and he couldn’t help checking if they were really there.  
When he looked over the next time, Hyunwoo was busy stroking a lose strand of hair off Kihyun’s forehead and Changkyun swore he could see Kihyun melting a little under his touch.  
  
He forced himself to look away again and decided to concentrate on warming up the soup for Hoseok.  
  
-  
  
  
He hadn’t thought the whole thing through.  
  
When he stood there in front of Hoseok’s door, a tray with hot vegetable soup on it in his hands, he didn’t care about being useful anymore.  
There was nothing he’d rather do than just go upstairs and into his own room and preferably lock the door and never come out again.  
  
Changkyun hadn’t seen Hoseok since that night a week ago. He’d done everything he could to avoid going into his room or having to bring him food or anything really.  
He was pretty sure he was the only one who hadn’t checked up on him at all, not that it was really expected of him, but now that he stood there, he started to feel bad about it.  
An uncomfortable stirring feeling in his stomach and his fingers sweaty where they clenched around the handles of the tray.  
  
It was already dark outside and there were no lights in the hallway and the atmosphere made it feel like he stood there for twenty minutes rather than two, his heart racing. He tried to hear anything inside of the room, but there wasn’t a single sound and the rest of the house seemed quieter than usually too.  
  
He swallowed down and then he steadied the tray on his waist and knocked at the door. Two times. A third time just in case.  
  
“Yeah?” Hoseok’s tired voice called out.  
  
“It’s me- Changkyun,” he spoke up. “Can I come in?”  
  
“Sure.”

 Changkyun took a deep breath and braced himself for whatever it was he’d see and tried to look a little more composed than he felt.  
He barely managed to open the door without spilling some of the soup.  
The room was just as dark as the hallway and he had trouble finding the light switch first, but when he did, the room lit up in a warm orange light, coming from a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling.

“I brought you soup,” Changkyun said.

He slowly made his way over to Hoseok’s bed and kept his eyes glued to the tray in his hand, mostly to avoid looking at Hoseok or the painting behind the bed.  
There was a small, wooden stool waiting next to the bed, where the boys must’ve sat every time they visited him or doctored around on his thigh.  
Hoseok was still pale and his brown hair a bit oily, shining a little in the warm light, but he looked better than the night Hyunwoo had carried him inside. Not that that was a major achievement.

“Can you sit up?” he asked, after putting the tray down on the floor next to the bed.  
Hoseok smiled at him. A weak, but genuine smile that made Changkyun’s chest feel warm.  
  
“Yeah,” he nodded and leant up on his elbows.  “Can you... my pillow...” he groaned, while he tried to sit up and Changkyun understood. He prepped the pillow up against the wall and helped Hoseok lean against it.  
  
Would he ever get used to being alone in a room with Hoseok? Would he ever stop being so damn aware of the exact distance between them and the citrusy smell that not even the smell of illness in the room and Hoseok’s sweaty shirt could stain?  
  
“I didn’t expect you to come,” Hoseok said while he made himself more comfortable on the bed and Changkyun took the tray and sat it onto his lap, careful not to touch his injured leg.  
 “I would’ve asked Kihyun for fresh clothes if I’d known.”  
  
Changkyun just shook his head no. He tried to smile, but there was sadness pooling in his stomach. It was like the painful missing in his body had suddenly come to a halt and he didn’t ever want to leave Hoseok’s room again.  
It was comforting to sit there with him. To watch as he blew on his soup and tried to cool it down. The way he looked tired but everything but broken. A bit discouraged maybe.  
  
“Are you in pain?” Changkyun heard himself ask after a while. He hadn’t even prepared to speak at all.  
  
“A little. It’s gotten better,” he smiled. “Kihyun is an amazing doctor. I feel bad that he’s here with us instead of working in some hospital.”  
  
“I can’t even imagine you guys without him.”  
  
“Me neither.  The six of us wouldn’t be complete with someone missing,” Hoseok said and slurped on his spoon. Then he closed his eyes for a moment. “I’d like to say the seven of us, but that’s not my decision to make.”

Changkyun felt a lump in his throat as he bit at the insides of his cheeks and forced himself to keep his eyes down and not to look at the painting on the wall. Everything in him wanted to.  
What if he just asked right now? What if he just asked who the seventh boy in the painting was? And why they hid him like that?  
What if Hoseok would just tell him instead of being offended that he’d snooped around?  
What if.  
  
“Minhyuk’s in heat, huh?” Hoseok said after a while, bringing Changkyun back to the moment.  
  
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Can you smell him?”  
  
“Could. Before you came in.”  
  
“But I’m not in heat,” Changkyun mumbled and started fidgeting on the hem of his sweater.  
  
“I know, but... your scent is...” Hoseok swallowed and then he smiled and Changkyun imagined seeing a faint blush on his cheeks. “Let’s just say berries beat vanilla any day.”  
  
Changkyun’s arms tingled and he forgot how to breathe.  Did Hoseok know what he did to him with words like those? Did he know it made his heart melt and flow right into his stomach? Just like that?  
Was that what he wanted to do? Make Changkyun feel like jelly on his little stool next to the bed? Because he managed to do just that and Changkyun’s heart raced for its life.

“I’m sorry,” Hoseok then sighed. “I’m just... I didn’t expect you to come.”  
  
Changkyun nodded. It was weird and terrifying that Hoseok was nervous to see him, too. He had no idea how to deal with any of it, but his heart was excited and his body felt like it was floating a few centimetres above the ground, the stool just a little bit under him.  
He wanted to stay but didn’t know what to fill the time with.  So he just watched how Hoseok slurped the rest of the soup as if he hadn’t eaten in days and then helped him put the tray aside.  
  
“How’s your leg?” he asked.  
  
“Wanna see?” Hoseok grinned. “It looks pretty badass. But it wasn’t worth it at all. I wish I could say the other guy looks worse, but honestly? He’s probably doing great. I didn’t even land a proper punch.”  
  
Hoseok leaned down and carefully wriggled his sweatpants down to expose his thigh. Changkyun felt the heat stream into his face and tried not to look at his briefs or exposed skin or the way he fumbled around on his sweatpants or anything really. Why did he have to be so straight forward? Where was his forewarning?  
  
“You could-” Hoseok started and stopped. Looked around the room quickly. “There should be a box here somewhere. A red box?”  
  
Changkyun looked around and found the box next to the nightstand and when he stood up and brought it to the bed, he saw that there were bandages and patches and disinfectants in it.  
  
“Might as well put on a new one,” Hoseok said and started to take off his bandage and Changkyun could see how tensed his jaw was and how he clenched his teeth when he started taking it off.  
  
He did his best not to show his shock when he saw the wound and the crooked, rough stitches, the flesh looking watery between the stitches and little dried stains of blood around the cut.  
Changkyun couldn’t really judge it, but it looked like Kihyun had done the best job possible with what he had at hand. It still didn’t look good. Changkyun had never seen a cut this deep.  
  
“Can you give me a new one?”  
  
Changkyun took a fresh bandage out of the box and gave it to Hoseok. Then he watched how he clumsily tried to put it around his thigh in his sitting position.

He took all his courage and a deep breath. It was a matter of decency. A matter of giving back to the man that gave so freely for others.  
  
“Let me do this,” he mumbled.  
  
When he didn’t get an answer, he looked at Hoseok and his eyes were tired and his smile soft.  
  
“Thanks.”

Maybe it was obvious how he took his time caring for him, maybe Hoseok just thought he was a very diligent worker.  
He could feel his warm eyes on him while he carefully put the bandage around his thigh and ignored the way his body got excited every single time he touched his skin. Tried to ignore the way his face felt warm and his breathing became a little uneven.  
Changkyun did his best not to touch the wound and not to put too much pressure into the bandage.  
  
“You’re doing better than the others,” Hoseok hummed. “Minhyuk ripped half my skin off with it and then freaked out.”  
Changkyun smiled. Concentrated on not letting his fingers shake while he wrapped the thin fabric around Hoseok’s thigh. Tried not to think about anything related to Hoseok’s black boxer briefs or the way his muscles tensed when he readjusted his leg so Changkyun could work more easily.  
  
“He didn’t want to tell me what happened,” Changkyun said and unwillingly fixed the bandage with a little bracket.  
  
Hoseok sighed and when Changkyun looked at him he looked more tired than moments ago. And there was something sad now, too; something bitter maybe? It was such a foreign look on Hoseok that Changkyun found it hard to name.  
He looked like something tortured him. Maybe the memory of what happened, maybe the strength it cost him to talk about it.  
  
“You can tell me another time,” Changkyun hurried to say and Hoseok looked at him, his features softening.  
  
“I’m gonna,” he assured him.  
  
A comfortable silence emerged between them and Changkyun listened to Hoseok’s calm breathing and tried to figure out if it was time for him to leave.  
 He didn’t want to go back to his own room quite yet. Not when Hoseok’s room was so full of warmth and care and when it felt like the rest of the world was locked out for a little longer.  
Just the two of them and a weird unspoken understanding, but maybe Changkyun’s silly heart made that one up.  
  
“Changkyunnie,” Hoseok said quietly. It was the first time he heard the nickname fall from his lips and it made his heart stutter.  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Stay a little longer.”  
And before Changkyun knew what was happening, Hoseok’s hand was on his arm, where it lay on the bed.  
“It’s so easy to get lonely in here.”  
  
Changkyun swallowed down his nerves and nodded.  
Hoseok’s fingertips were soft on his arm and his fingers tucked a little on his sleeve and he wasn’t sure if it was Hoseok who made him move his hand or if Changkyun just met him halfway.  
  
But then his hand was in Hoseok’s and Hoseok squeezed it lightly and the room was so quiet and his hand was so warm, but it felt like an entire storm was raging inside of Changkyun.  
 As if not just one or two, but hundreds of walls came crashing down inside of him. For a second he waited for the walls in the room to fall down, too, but they didn’t. Kept the two of them hidden from the world a little longer.  
  
His skin felt thin where Hoseok’s touched it and when he dared to look at him, he wasn’t smiling anymore. His face was serious and vulnerable and open to read and Changkyun swore he could see his own storm reflected in Hoseok’s eyes.  
  
He’d never imagined holding someone’s hand to feel this dangerous and revolutionary, but it did and he didn’t ever want to let go again.

-

  
Changkyun couldn’t fall asleep. Of course he couldn’t. A whole universe worth of questions was swirling inside of his head and he felt like his heart hadn’t stopped racing a single time since he’d left Hoseok’s room after he’d fallen asleep.  
Had carefully laid him down and tucked him in. Had maybe watched his chest rise and fall a little longer and his soft features relax as he entered the world of his dreams.  
  
Changkyun could still feel the weight of his hand in his and if he wasn’t such a coward he’d maybe held it a little longer and maybe even waited for Hoseok to wake up again.  
  
But now he lay awake in his own bed with all these questions and the image of Hoseok’s vulnerable face burned onto the back of his eyelids.  
  
 And he couldn’t stop smiling, no matter how much he tried to wipe it off his face, in the dark of his empty room, with his blanket pulled up to his chin.  
  
 He was falling for the charms of an alpha and he knew it; couldn’t stop thinking about his gentle face and his toned thighs and the way his voice sounded when he said Changkyun’s name. About how looking at him felt like opening the door to a new, dangerous, breathtaking world.  
And that was nothing to smile about.  
Ever.

-

Changkyun was the first one to sit in the living room the next day. He’d woken up around 6am and wasn’t able to fall back asleep for reasons he didn’t wanna think about. It was weird when the whole house was asleep and it was freezing cold, too.  
He wore a long sleeved shirt and a sweater, black sweatpants, a pair of normal socks and a pair of fluffy ones over it and was also wrapped in one of the two wool-blankets that always lay on the couch and that the boys sometimes fought over, even though they often ended up cuddled together anyway.  
  
It was “a matter of living practically” Minhyuk would say every time he had his arm wrapped around Hyungwon’s waist and the blanket wrapped tight around them. And no matter how much Hyungwon sighed, Changkyun had never seen him protest.  
  
Now that Jooheon was in the south and Hoseok couldn’t leave his room, Changkyun started to feel like a lonesome loser between two pairs that couldn’t be more different.  
  
He had just taken a bite of his slice of dry bread when he remembered to look at the message Yugyeom had sent him the evening before.  
  
> _Can I call you tomorrow? Bammie is missing_ <

Changkyun sat up straight on the couch and for a moment he stopped chewing. He hated himself for not checking his message earlier.  
Wanted to take every chance to give Yugyeom a bit of the support he always gave to Changkyun.  
  
> _I’m awake_ <  
> _call me whenever you want_ <

He stared at his messages for a moment.  
Even now, with news like that, there was a bitter kind of jealousy about Bambam- Yugyeom’s best friend-acting up in Changkyun’s chest, but he knew it wasn’t the time to give it space.  
The boy was sweet and silly and all Changkyun really knew about him was that he lived in a difficult household and Yugyeom once mentioned something about bullies in school.  
  
He felt icky now, all on his own in the dark living room. Thinking about Bambam who was just as much of a problem-child as Changkyun was and who was the kind of best friend for Yugyeom that Changkyun always tried to be.    
In movies the best friend thing was always a mutual sensation. A pair of two kinda thing. Inseparable and ‘you and me against the world’ and all that.  
And maybe with Yugyeom and Bambam it was like that, but while Yugyeom was Changkyun’s best friend, he knew he wasn’t Yugyeom’s.  
 ‘Very good and old friend’ just doesn’t sound that smooth, even though he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

Bambam didn’t deserve to be in a bad place and even though Changkyun had had one or two selfish and sarcastic thoughts about him in the past, he would never want him to go missing.  
Wouldn’t wish that kind of helpless feeling on Yugyeom in a million years either. Because if there was anything Changkyun really knew, it was that being left behind without a clue could break a person.

-

It was about an hour later when Hyungwon came into the living room. It was a rare occurrence to see him up this early, as he was usually the one they waited for the longest in the mornings.  
  
“Morning,” he said, 10% voice and 90% rasp.  
  
“Morning,” Changkyun said. “Why are you up already?”  
  
Hyungwon came trotting to the couch and let his body sink into the cushions. He was visibly freezing, too.  
  
“Didn’t sleep at all,” he groaned. “Minhyuk’s in heat.”  
  
Changkyun looked at him with half a raised eyebrow and an innuendo on his tongue that he swallowed down, because this was Hyungwon next to him and he’d fucked up bad enough with him so far.  
When he noticed the way Changkyun struggled for words, his eyes widened.

“No... that sounded wrong,” he babbled. “I didn’t like... spend the night with him... I mean I did, but not in the heaty way-“  
  
Changkyun couldn’t help but laugh a little. A bit of weight lifted off his shoulders and the way Hyungwon talked himself into a corner was a tiny bit charming.

“What I’m saying is I just sat with him and brought him cold washcloths and stuff,” he concluded. “You should hear the shit he talks when he’s horny.”

“I’m not sure I wanna,” Changkyun chuckled. Didn’t want to remember the thoughts he had when he was in heat and more distinctly the things he’d said to Hoseok during his first heat in the haven.  
  
“You really don’t,” Hyungwon sighed.  
  
Then there weren’t any words between them anymore. It wasn’t that Changkyun didn’t have words to say, but he didn’t have the bravery to speak them.  
It was Hyungwon who broke the silence after a few moments.

“Minhyuk said not to tell you, but,” he shuffled a little on the couch and looked like it was an act of physical strength to keep talking. “He and Hoseok. They found a hiding spot of a pack of alphas that night. They tried to free some omega girls from them, but failed.”  
  
Changkyun tried to digest the information.  
  
“Why didn’t he want me to know?” Changkyun asked. His voice quiet.

“I’m not sure,” Hyungwon shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe because it might stress you out. But if you’re a part of this, you should know what’s going on, right?”  
  
Changkyun nodded slowly.  
A part of this. The words echoed in his head and swirled around. He wasn’t sure if they were supposed to be a burden or a comfort. He wasn’t sure how they felt.  
But if Hyungwon talked about things he shouldn’t talk about, maybe Changkyun could, too?  
  
“Can I ask you about the painting in Hoseok’s room?” he heard his own voice ask and Hyungwon nearly looked like he’d expected the question. He smiled a thin smile and took a deep breath.

“You can ask, but I won’t tell you,” he said. “We all have our demons and this one is Hoseok’s to deal with.”  
  
“Okay, I get that” Changkyun quickly said. “Thank you.”  
  
Hyungwon just nodded and then he stood up and stretched his arms and yawned a long and dramatic yawn.  
  
“I’m really too old to pull all nighters,” he complained to the ceiling, before he trudged into the kitchen to find something edible for breakfast.

-

In the afternoon he talked to Yugyeom on the phone.  
Changkyun sat on his bed in his room and stared out the window into curtains of fog and cold.  
  
“What am I supposed to do? He doesn’t answer his phone and he’s been gone for two days now.”  
Yugyeom’s voice was heavy with worry; Changkyun could nearly see the distress on Yugyeom’s face when he closed his eyes. He’d been the reason for it too many times.  
  
“What about his mom?”  
  
“She called me for help, but I can’t do anything.  
I’m like 90% sure he got into trouble with those alphas in his school. Bammie is like that; he never knows when to shut up.”

“Do you think they took him?” Changkyun asked, a cold shiver running down his spine. Made him think of too many times this happened to omegas in town. Sometimes they were found a few days later, but too often they weren’t and all that remained were a few lines on the last page of the newspaper were missing people were listed and then turned into horror stories the people told each other for a while before it got boring.  
  
“I don’t know. I think he ran away...” Yugyeom’s voice broke a little and Changkyun’s chest felt tight. “But I can’t imagine him like that... he’s not a fighter...”

“I know,” Changkyun hummed. Then they stayed quiet for a while and Changkyun just listened to Yugyeom’s heavy breathing and the swallowing of sobs he didn’t allow out.  
  
“I could come to town,” he said. “Or you could come to the haven if you want.”  
  
“No,” Yugyeom’s voice smiled a sad smile. “No I’m...I’m managing... ask again in a few days, if he’s not back until then.”  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah,” Yugyeom said. “And Kyunnie, take care of yourself, okay?”  
  
“You too. Keep me updated.”

 

When they hung up, Changkyun sat there a little longer. He thought about driving to town for a moment, because just because Yugyeom didn’t want to take his help didn’t mean he didn’t need it. But Changkyun couldn’t drive, had never learned it, and he couldn’t ask one of the boys to drop him off again, so all he could do was text Yugyeom another message, telling him he was there for him.  
But it felt like it wasn’t enough.  
  
-

It made him anxious that he couldn’t help Yugyeom and it made him feel tensed that there was nothing to do in the house or rather that the boys wouldn’t fully include him in the responsibilities yet.

He wandered around the house, waiting for an opportunity to make himself useful and it came in the form of Hyunwoo with a tray with soup and bread on it and a hot water bottle under his arm.  
  
“Is that for Hoseok?” he asked, when they met in the hallway.  
  
“Yep,” Hyunwoo smiled and kept walking slowly, carefully balancing the tray in his hands.  
  
“Can...” Changkyun caught up to him quickly, looking up to Hyunwoo awkwardly. “Can I bring it to him?”  
Now Hyunwoo stopped walking and looked at him. He probably saw the heat rushing into Changkyun’s cheeks and the way he couldn’t look him in the eyes and stared at the soup instead.  
  
“Uhm, sure I guess,” he said, but none of them made a move.  
Then Changkyun forced himself to take the tray out of Hyunwoo’s hands and Hyunwoo tucked the hot water bottle under his arm and looked a little confused.  
  
“Thanks,” Changkyun said. “I have something to talk to Hoseok about. That’s why...”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
He quickly walked down the hallway and to Hoseok’s room, not without spilling a bit of the soup again, but his hands just wouldn’t stop trembling.  
  
Changkyun couldn’t keep standing in front of his door for ages like the day before, because Hyunwoo was still looking at him curiously.  
So he knocked.  
  
This time he just walked in when he heard Hoseok’s voice call out.

The room was colder than he expected and the window was ajar.  
  
Hoseok looked at him with raised eyebrows and said, “You. Again, without forewarning.”  
  
“Do you want me to leave?”  
  
“No, of course not. I’ve been starving,” Hoseok grinned. Changkyun wasn’t sure why his face felt hot again when he closed the door and walked over to Hoseok’s bed.  
He gently put down the tray for him to hold and sat down on the stool. Then he carefully put the hot water bottle to Hoseok’s feet under the blanket.

“Thanks. Can you close the window, too, please?”  
  
Changkyun did as he was told and took a deep breath on his way. Told himself to calm down and wished he actually had that much to talk to Hoseok like he pretended around Hyunwoo.  
Now all he could think of was how warm Hoseok’s hand had felt in his and it was distracting.  
  
Hoseok ate the bread like it was a delicious meal and Changkyun smiled a little while watching him.  
  
“What’s up in the outside world?” Hoseok asked with a cheeky expression, looking over the brim of the bowl before slurping the soup right out of it.  
  
“I talked to Yugyeom today... a friend of his is missing.”

Hoseok looked up from his soup and Changkyun felt stupid for mentioning it. He didn’t know what else to talk about and it still swirled in the back of his head.  
  
“An omega?” Hoseok asked, looking at him concerned.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Tell me about it.”  
  
So Changkyun did.  
Because Hoseok’s eyes looked so genuinely interested, as if it was a topic that concerned him personally. Maybe it did.  
He told him about Bambam and about the alphas in school that had been bullying him. Told him how not made for the run Bambam was. All of that.  
  
Hoseok just nodded. Chewed on his bread as if he was lost in thoughts.  
When he swallowed down his last piece of bread, he took a deep breath.  
  
“I’m gonna make sure we start our rounds again,” Hoseok said decidedly. “If he’s still around here, we might find your friend.”  
  
Changkyun looked up at him.  
Right now ‘we’ could only mean Kihyun and Hyunwoo and maybe Hyungwon.  
As if Hoseok could sense the upcoming guilt in Changkyun’s chest, he kept talking and left no space for protest of any kind.  
  
“I’ve met so many omegas,” Hoseok said. “And if I learned one thing...it’s that you guys are stronger than you give yourself credit for...”

Changkyun felt a bit of tension in his shoulder melt away when Hoseok picked up his spoon again and continued eating his soup, still in thoughts.  
  
The room was freezing cold. The cold autumn air had filled it and Changkyun only wore his usual black sweater. He pulled his hands into his sleeves.  
  
“How’s your pain doing?” Changkyun wanted to know after a while.  
  
“It’s alright. The most annoying thing is that I can’t do shit,” Hoseok said. “It’s frustrating to just sit here  and sleep and do nothing all day.”  
  
Changkyun hummed.  
  
“If there’s anything I can help with...” Changkyun’s voice sounded too shy, even for his own ears.  
  
Hoseok looked at him curiously for a moment, as if he tried to look right through changkyun’s eyes and into his mind. He emptied the bowl in his hand and when Changkyun put the tray down on the floor, he could tell Hoseok was smiling at him.  
  
“Actually. There is something I wanted to ask you.” Hoseok’s smile turned into a little grin.  
Changkyun just raised an eyebrow and nodded.  
  
“Let me draw you,” Hoseok said. As if he was asking for an early Christmas present.  
  
And Changkyun’s heartbeat got a little faster, because nobody had ever wanted to draw him or just look at him really and it was scary and embarrassing, but how could he ever deny Hoseok a wish when he had that excited spark in his eyes and when his confidence was so overwhelming in his smile and when he made Changkyun’s whole body feel so warm just by looking at him?  
  
He didn’t want to make it obvious how honoured he was, how exciting this was and how glad he was to spend a little more time in Hoseok’s room, so he pretended to think about it for a moment.  
  
He had an idea and it was incredibly risky, but Hoseok’s warm aura made Changkyun feel confident.  
 Made him want to take every risk there was. Made him want to be brave, if just to impress the alpha.  
  
“Okay,” he finally said. “I’ll let you draw me if you tell me why there is a seventh boy on your wall.”  
He nodded over to the painting behind Hoseok’s bed, pretended his heart wasn’t racing and his palms weren’t sweaty.  
  
 But it wasn’t necessary to say anything else, because he could tell from the way Hoseok’s eyes got more serious that he knew exactly what he was asking.  
Hoseok didn’t want to know how Changkyun knew about the seventh boy.  
He just licked his lips in thoughts and stared at Changkyun, calculating.

  
Then he nodded.  
  
“Deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear it's going somewhere!! thank you for bearing with me ♥  
> I'm sorry it took so long to update but mental illness is kicking my ass again and writing is hard man....

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and please consider leaving a comment, because I'm an insecure noodle and this story is my baby in the making and comments are always super motivating :') ♥  
> THANK YOU ILY
> 
>  **EDIT:** this fic is abandoned for now and I don't know if I ever come back to it!


End file.
